Oh Nu-Uh

Oh snap. Naomi did it again?
And as far as Naomi, I've always thought she was sunshine and roses. Seriously. Maybe fashionably late, but nobody who's anybody ever arrives early to a party...

Linds - just eat. I've been where you are and it's exhausting. Not eating fucks you up for years, trust me. A little butt isn't all that bad...and the cracked-out/stalker thing really isn't gonna win Wilmer back. Have you not read the tabloids? He's a little scared. Plus, do you really want him back? He's an American Idol reject doppelganger who serially prays on nubile teenage starlets. He's the LA version of Jamison Ernest. I'd stick with Johnny Knoxville in a heartbeat.

Guess We Now Know Who Wears the Pants in the family

Ever the gentleman, Kevin takes the chair, but still graciously rubs the pregnant (?) wife's back while she sits on the cold balcony floor. Welcome back from Vegas, Kev! Brit did lots of tanning while you were gone. Like Rapunzel, she mostly stayed on that balcony waiting for your sweet return. But you wouldn't know that if you didn't take her calls...

Before I go to bed

Go Xiaxue!
Kelly Osbourne/Mary Kate - what's up with spoiled rich girls needing their own personal minders? I'm sorry, but at a certain point, one needs to stop being babied...isn't that what encourages addiction in the first place?
Keira: Trust me, I have the same problems.
Brit-Brit's Bit Bit gets an Easter outfit. Pink, of course.
I seriously want to have the Corsair's child. I know, I know - you've got the blog wife, but doesn't everyone need a mistress? Everyday it's like an orgasm on the internet. (ok, well, that's pushing it, but one always appreciates similes).
This may have been remarked upon elsewhere, but good god, caught Oprah today & what on earth happened to Priscilla Presley? She was so hot - even when KettyKet was growing up in the '80s and would've aged just fine, just fine - but she just destroyed herself, didn't she? KettyKet mourns a sad victim of Hollywood's ageism.
on Oprah
J. Ho likes to go by Cleopatra
Tarantino & Bender - Busted

Say what you will...

you party poopers, but they're a cute couple. A little odd-looking together (he sort of looks like he could tumble over), but she obviously adores him and that's sweet.

Yikes Page 6, you overwhelmed me today with all the sly sexuality references. Eeenie, meenie, miney, moe, how many, how many? I count foe. (4) Leave something to the imagination, guys. And really, can't ya give McNabb and Brady some privacy?

WHICH gossip columnist — not for The Post — finished celebrating his birthday in the backroom of a gay bar?

By the way, Lourd is not Fisher's ex-husband as the Daily Snooze incorrectly stated yesterday — she and the confirmed bachelor never wed.

SOFIA Vergara, who has posed for photos with Tom Cruise, laughs at how predictably gullible the media is. The Latina bombshell, who recently replaced Penelope Cruz as Cruise's escort, told People en Espanol's Richard Perez Feria: "I've only known Tom for a very short time. It's funny because the media creates what they want to create. And according to them, Tom is in a full-fledged, sexual relationship with the most irresistible woman in the world — me!"

And the most obvs - not really their style, but...:
EAGLES quarterback Donovan McNabb and Patriots QB Tom Brady bumping into each other at the James Hotel in Scottsdale, Ariz., and having a nice chat before exchanging numbers — Brady on a Blackberry, and McNabb on a slip of paper.

"I can daydream looking at her I think she's so beautiful. I want to cuddle her."

So sayeth Alicia Silverstone about her "Beauty Shop" co-star, your Queen and mine: Latifah


That said, is it just me or was Alicia playing hard-to-get all night long - first cuddling up to Djimon Hounsou (but really, who can blame her?)
then Andie MacDowell...

And finally, even some random little girl...
I think we all remember too well what distance in the press photo between two attractive co-stars generally implies, don't we Brad -n- Angie?



Finally, ya'll - Rudy's in the movie! I'm down. The guys who run the studio totally suckered me in with this ploy. I wanted to BE Rudy when I was little, so I'm paying the $10.25, you bet. Have ya'll noticed - she's having a bit of a renaissance lately? Got a shout-out in that Usher, Ludacris, Lil Jon song , she's doing the requisite starlet nudie photos and everything.

This makes it personal, MJ

So - I don't know about you, but hearing the whole "Macaulay Culkin was inappropriately touched by MJ" story yesterday put me over the edge. Yes, it's horrible if Jacko really did fondle all these little boys, but at the risk of sounding insensitive, they're nameless and fameless. If he touched little Mac Culkin, though...Nu-uh. I might just have to try to pull a pagesixsixsix and do some serious investigivagating (emphasis on try) and ask a friend who knew him in those days if it's true.
Can't possibly do more than Roger Friedman did, though.

Duh

Beyonce to play Bob Dylan in new Todd Haynes movie? I know what you're thinking...what? really, but what about the obvious choice? Peeps, the Olsen twins are still in college and aren't filming anything in the near future. But look closely, if you compare the two of them onstage, B and D are nearly identical. The resemblance kind of gives ya goosebumps, huh?

On my Shitster List

My friend, Joe, and I had a conversation the other day about the need for a shitster list. A place to list all the friends who sent you the lesbian baking apron for your birthday,*

the boys who had the tackiness to hit on your very drunk ass at the bar & try to take you home - because yes, at that state, you'd be up for it, but you must never, ever follow through with it,

the boys in need of a new attitude who call at 4:30am for hooking up and you're willing to give them a chance because you think 'hey, maybe even assholes can change,' and you even occasionally find endearing the overblown ego, but they haven't changed & leave you feeling naive, and

every now and then, even list yourself, if you've behaved like an ass to the nice 24-yr-old who just wants to take you out but you don't because he's just too young and wears an adidas pullover with a button-down collared shirt and needs to decide on his style - either dress downtown or dress upper east side, but to combine them is a fashion don't.

And of course, a great idea like that has already been thought of. So with that, I add to the shitster list:
Michigan State - for preventing my dream Duke-Kentucky match-up game.
And for that matter - put Duke on there, too. For playing like shit last night.
UPDATE: Put Michigan State in a very special spot on the list for killing me not once, but twice. And for doing it in a painfully slow way in today's double overtime game with UK. And I want Rick Pitino on the list, too, for having to rub it in my face that Louisville's in the Final Four.
*Hilarious, Adam.

BabyDaddy

Nothing says hot like Mira Sorvino's babydaddy (and hubby), Chris Backus, with their little girl. Someone send me one like that. Yum. K-Fed has nothing on this guy.

Y2K

I just wanted to post a title that would make me think of the new millenium. Y (2k)? you ask... Because I've finally joined the new millenium - I got an ipod mini for my birthday. (today) yay! I'm no longer gonna be ghetto fabulous-ing up the streets with my old school walkman-CD player (an aesthetic loss for my fellow pedestrians - the way I'd taped that baby up after its numerous falls onto the subway train floor was an art).
That, plus whatever surprise Adam's UPS-ing my way makes me a happy girl.

Whitney Houston

In Rehab Again...but what of Bobby? And whatever happened to their reality show - when will we get to see that, I wanna know...

I'm Not Gonna Lie

it's so endearing...


when a teen pop icon might be in even worse shape than you...

Mariah Spills and Reveals

Mariah. MC. Mimi. You're growing on me. No really. You're surviving and I'm digging it. You're even dare I say, maturing. I mean, you've used a high school word in your new album title- no middle-school "Rainbow" or "Butterfly" or "Daydream" or even "Charmbracelet" for you. At the rate you were going, I'd anticipated that you'd title this latest piece "My Little Pony," but no, you surprised me with "The EMANCIPATION of Mimi." Congrats - let's throw some Glitter to celebrate.

Your latest interview in america magazine got me. Especially the part about Tupac. Because yes, KettyKet dug him, too.

On her way back upstairs from the photo room, she passes through the kitchen. On the wall hangs a framed photo of Tupac Shakur immersed in a bubble bath. She fans herself dramatically as she points it out. "Everybody always told me that he liked my music and I was always complimented by that." When asked if they ever met, Mariah lets out a rush of breath.

"Mmm hmmm... It was at the Grammys. He was driving by in this white Rolls Royce -- this was when I was still with Tommy -- and he just stops and I see him, and he's like, 'Hey Mariah.'" She does her best Tupac-in-a-white-Rolls-Royce impersonation: one hand on the wheel, one arm hanging out the window. "I just said hi and then I had to go back in. He said, 'Bye Mariah,' and I ran back inside like this..." She runs up the stairs to the alcove, lifting an imaginary ball gown and looking wistfully over her shoulder. "Ahhhh," she groans, half-laughing. "It could have been perfect."

The interview also clues us in to the fact that Mariah once lived with a couple named Ernie and Mort:

They [4th grade bullies] could have focused on the fact that Mariah and her mother had just moved in with Ernie and Mort, a gay couple who'd given Mariah the most stable home she'd had since her parents' divorce.

Ernie and Mort explains a lot - as does this one final fact:

Today, seven years after the divorce, Mariah insists she can still count on one hand how many sexual partners she's had.

Let's see - Tommy Mottola, Eminem, Derek Jeter, Luis Miguel, and ??? - is that really all? That makes me feel like such a slut.

Bizarro World

Is it just me or are we all being sucked into Bizarro World this week? What the hell is going on in the constellations? First, poor Terri Schiavo isn't allowed to die because Bush and Company deem it acceptable to completely reorganize the system of checks and balances that are in place to protect states rights. One family with the perfect Conservative plight is allowed to lobby for their own special law. Let the poor woman die. I personally think that her parents are a little inhuman. My parents certainly wouldn't sit and watch me slowly shrivel up. Jesus, if it's deemed that I have to go, let me go fast - get to heaven and say a prayer on my way out.

Then, in my stupid news of the week, the Michael Jackson freak show, er 'trial' - It just gets curiouser and curiouser. First, Michael's risen from his death bed to make it to court on Monday morning. Tuesday, a fan causes a huge disruption and falls apart in the courtroom. And then today, in a role reversal, MJ's lawyer, Brian Oxman collapses in the courtroom and is carried out on a stretcher. All the while, Michael's personal magician, Majestik Magnificent, watches on. Of course. Someone's gotta run the show.

MILF?

Or a skank mamma?

Ryan goes clubbing...

while (preggers?) Reese goes to church -

c'mon now, though - everyone's allowed to play...innocently.

"This Wasn't Supposed to Happen."

Now, I KNOW I wasn't the only one out there who was a big waste of space this weekend. So many ridiculous guilty pleasures. Let me just say: "Spring Break Shark Attack." All the cliches. So classic. Right down to the asshole frat boy who slips Roofies into drinks and then succombs to one of the more dramatic shark attacks.

And then, during the day - I recovered from my hangover with a little MTV Spring Break. Not as good as the ole days - I don't get Damien Fahey - but still - loved the dumb blonde who couldn't spell 'curse' and elimated herself and her boy in the Drew Barrymore/Jimmy Fallon -sponsored-their-movie competition. And for the day, it took me out of NYC and reminded me of my high school senior year in Panama City (um yes, I know how to be a redneck) during the Kentucky/Arizona game - which we lost, but still was a good time.

I can't make up my mind...

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Is it bad posture and bad nutrition (see this week's Us Weekly by Miss Ingela Ratledge) or is she finally preggers? (I hope so because Babywatch is wearing me out...)

Nick versus Ashley

Nick Lachey is now trying to give Ashley Judd a run for her money as biggest celebrity college bball fan. A few days ago, I gave a shout-out to Nick because he's a good ole boy from Cincy, which is so close to Kentucky, I felt like we could adopt him. BUT - his heart doesn't bleed true blue, so he's off my list.

Nick Lachey Challenges Judd to a Duel (because that's how we do it down South)

And the mystery intensifies...

Demi: yes, no, pregnant? Seriously, not as important to me as Lohan's most recent coke-fueled escapades, but People's article about it would benefit by telling us whether or not Demi was drinking alcohol at Marquee. Geez, don't these reporters know that the story's in the details?

From Demi's lips: "The rumors are just that: rumors."

Moore's publicist, Stephen Huvane, issued this statement: "Having another child is something Demi would like to do, but she cannot at this time say she is pregnant."
Earlier in the week, the would-be father, 27-year-old Ashton Kutcher, joked about the reports. At a news conference promoting his new movie, "Guess Who," he said: "Why am I the last person to find out everything? I'm going to be a daddy? God, no one tells me anything."

On a separate note, my favorite couple ever confirms that they'll produce the cutest baby around:
Heidi Klum and Seal are preggers.

Ashley Judd on UK

Lucky us - Miss Ashley will be periodically publishing her thoughts on UK's March Madness journey. There was a time when I really liked her - she's a Kentucky gal, I'm a Kentucky gal. And then I met her and for some reason, she didn't want to be BFF's, so I dropped her like a hot potato and haven't looked back since.

I've been wanting to do this for awhile, but haven't, but think I will now. Everyone up here in the big ole city is always asking me, what's in Kentucky besides whiskey, horses and rednecks? Do you wear shoes down there? (as my dad would say - only when we cross the Ohio River b/c we're scared of what we might step into...) blah di blah - people - you simply don't realize all the cool, hot Kentuckians - Jersey should be so lucky....just a few:

Johnny Depp, Diane Sawyer, Hunter Thompson, Muhammed Ali, George Clooney, Rebecca Gayheart, Babydaddy (Scissor Sisters), Steve Zahn lives there now, Tom Cruise (briefly) , Laura Bell Bundy (she does Broadway), Barbara Kingsolver, 'Arab' (per Ann Coulter) Helen Thomas, Loretta Lynn (& hordes of other country music stars), some of the Backstreet Boys, W.T. Young (started Jif peanut butter) Dwight Yoakum, My Old Kentucky Blog, Veiled Conceit, and eh, what the hell, Ashley Judd.



AND - hot on the heels of this...only a few more months til Cameron Crowe's movie made in and about Kentucky - Elizabethtown - comes out and EVERYONE will want to be an honorary Kentuckian - seriously, I've been following the progress of that movie since it was in development - I'm hopeful that it's gonna replace Almost Famous as my most favorite movie ever in the whole wide world... As whatevs would say...so much buzz.

Next Trend from Gwynnie? Riding backwards in cars...

So Woody Allen's "Miranda & Miranda" screening and party. Can we just talk about how cool Chloe Sevigny and Radha Mitchell are? I want to be them. I partly went to the show because I just wanted to see what Chloe would be wearing and yo, she looked good. Has really gorgeous hair. But can I just say, that yes, I was excited to see Woody Allen in person, but it was Soon-Yi that really turned me into a dork to my friend - "Look - there's Soon-Yi!" She was there. She really exists. I remember the headlines from 10 years ago and I just can't even remotely imagine how she did what she did - and so of course, I know she's a person, but I can't fathom her actions - even if love conquers all - so it was bizarre to see her in person.

That said, the movie was okay. Dragged in the tragedy section mostly and at certain points I was forced to concoct back stories as to how the main characters were able to afford such fabulous NYC apartments (like: the actor is married to a trust-fund baby (Chloe), the composer secretly writes commercial jingles that bring in bucketloads of money). and oh yeah, I'm diggin Chiwetel Ejiofor...me and my black men.

Goodbye, Mrs. Strode - you were a lady.

Li Lo really did injure herself- it's not just a scene from the movie- and I'm SO ANNOYED that I don't live in the West Village anymore. I used to live like right on that street and you know I would've stayed home sick from work for a day just to stalk her set.



True story: I once delayed breaking up with a boyfriend for a few weeks because his apartment was going to be used as Kate Hudson's when they were filming "Raising Helen" (I've seriously got a big old girlcrush on her -but not her baby- and I wanted to conveniently be on-set when they shot her scenes) but then, somewhat thank god, his landlord nixed that plan, so I broke up with the jerk.

Monsters Invade the East Village

Alright, I'll admit - when "Newlyweds" first premiered, I was a fan. It actually made me like Jessica and have some respect for Nick, even if he was a third-tier boy bander and she was a third or even fourth-tier pop star ( behind even Mandy Moore). He's just a good ole boy from Cincinnati, after all.

But now, after every darn magazine has either Jessica or Ashlee on the cover week after week, emails are forwarded about how Jess is "Nick's favorite stocking to stuff" over Christmas, we hear about how they're coke whores during the whole Paris debacle, SNL is invaded, I had to read in this week's In Touch that JESSICA beat out my girl, Kate Hudson, in being cast for a Private Benjamin remake (that Kate's own mother starred in originally) - and NOW, NOW they're taking to the streets of the East Village like they're King Kong or something... I mean, are we safe anywhere? Jessica - forever toting her Louis Vuitton - and Ashlee - forever posing and/or selling herself out to the highest bidder at bat mitvahs- walking through hipster East Village? This could one day be recognized as the day when the neighborhood jumped the shark.

Enough, enough, enough with Jessica and Ashlee (we get it - Jessica's in the marriage from hell & Ashlee & Ryan Cabrera and his nasty-ass hair are in a continued on-off relationship). Won't America realize sometime soon that we (& MTV) have nurtured monsters and just send them back to Texas (because, after all, isn't it the homestate of most American monsters).

That's what ya get...

When you marry a chick barely graduated from her sorority.

Billy Joel's back in rehab

I'm just saying, when I was 23 years old, I'd be lying if I said I still didn't occasionally play beer pong. I'm not saying Billy's wife egged him on, trying to get him to do kegstands, I'm just saying, she is only 23.

okay, barf

Gwynnie, you know I love your baby. And you've been on my good side in the last year or so with the whole new maternal-mamma you and less of the goody-goody, snobbish Manhattan fashionista. You're glowing, your hair looks great, your body isn't quite so weirdly proportioned from the whole former macrobiotic diet thing. But this:

Paltrow Urges Pitt and Aniston to Reunite

Please. uh-uh. Don't shove yourself into this. I know you want to be on their good side (and their production company's- you don't have Harvey & Miramax to make movies with as much anymore), but c'mon now. It just sounds sort of tacky.

And while we're on the imdb website for the day - Scarlett and Indy? That's double-gross. Is she even old enough to drink? And Harrison Ford, while hot, is still, at the end of the day - 60+. There is just too much wrong with that picture.

Whaaa?

I'm sure Kate Bosworth is a really nice girl with some sort of a personality - I've never understood it - and this is coming from someone who actually really tried to like her. I mean, I paid $10.25 to see "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton" in the movie theater - not HBO, in the theater. But - excluding the 5 seconds that I really loved "Blue Crush," she's always been anorexic-girl-with-blah-personality for me. So, I can't remotely understand why "romantic Orl" has won her back...didn't HE do the dumping in the first place? Why does he want to win her back?

"And Kimora, even at 17, was a sophisticate in many areas that I was not at all."

So says Russell Simmons of his giantess wife, Kimora Lee, in this month's Vanity Fair.


Yes, only a sophisticate will be quoted no less than 6- 7 times in a magazine profile about women wanting her man - one instance:
"But I'm a tough girl and could handle it most of the time, and I will beat a bitch's ass!...Literally. Literally. I will drag a bitch - drag her through this dirt, literally...I will beat a bitch's ass! I don't play that disrespectul ho shit. I have very little respect for those kinds of women. And if I catch you with my man, disrespting, I will beat your ass."

In response, Russell says: "I ain't worried about that. I don't give a fuck. I'm still looking at the girls' asses in yoga, I can't get out of it."

So, ladies of Russell's yoga class - if you so much as see him make the tiniest glance at your booty - run, run fast the other way.

I had time to read the full article on Kimora on a long plane ride last night. My head is still spinning -I don't think I've ever read an article where someone so blatantly and obnoxiously aspires to be rich and famous. At the same time, some part of me admires her for being so ballsy, transparent, and driven. And yeah, I've gotta admire the girl power quote related to her daughter, Ming Lee - even if the only reason she's got so much money on her own is because Russell set her up as the head of his Baby Phat:

"Ming Lee want Daddy to buy you a boat? [says Kimora's lawyer]
"She doesn't need Daddy to buy her a boat - Mommy can buy her one," Kimora says, frowning.

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Can we talk about how insanely cute little Apple Martin is? Honestly, she's the most adorable little celeb baby by far. Celeb baby throwdown: - Some babies are a little gross - like Kate Hudson's little one, Ryder - really not the cutest. It's a little disconcerting to see Chris Robinson's face on his toddler- kind of freaks me out, to be honest- even though I think Kate and Chris are an awesome hippie-chic couple (hope this doesn't mean I've got bad karma headed my way if I ever have kids)...
But Apple Martin - I want my baby to look just like you. Gwynnie, if ya ever need a babysitter, ya know where to find me...

One out of two ain't bad

Florida broke my heart yesterday when they just destroyed Kentucky, but at least Redick and Duke pulled out a win (barely) from Georgia Tech. The conferences are small potatoes, though, compared to the joy of March Madness and the full tourney. Everyone getting excited? I've got to figure out who I'll root for in the Kentucky/Duke showdown (knock on wood)....Kentucky - those are my boys and I'm in love with Sparks this year for helping us beat Louisville - and I love to just say 'Azabuike'. but, Duke....how could you not swoon for J.J.?

Our Collective Subconscious

This ex of mine moved to Mexico about 2 months ago and we, his friends, miss the little fucker. And then to exacerbate the situation, we email him and he never writes us back. So, we've decided that he's gonna be our collective mind. We're gonna inundate him with all these random emails and sort of use him and abuse him as our journal. I mean, if he's not writing back anyway, why not, ya know. It could actually be kind of funny - even just imagining him trying to work his way through all of our drama. Just write our stuff down, send it off, and then Ernest can absorb it all - he'll be our therapy - and he'll be so pissed about it. love it.

There's also talk of making a little film for him of life ernest-less. We'll follow Varmus as he goes up to Harlem and auditions a filler- new best friend (E lived in Harlem) and we can continue to make fun of me for an actual conversation I had about 3 weeks ago. At brunch with a friend (i.e. Mo to tha Mo), we sat down next to this incredibly hot black man - who bore a striking resemblance to Ernest. Hot african-american man with the fro was just hanging out at his table, listening to his ipod and writing (creative, artsy type - so hot). So smooth me is trying to be all loud and 'notice me, notice me,' taking off my jacket to show off my cute tank top and oh-so-hot bod, to the point that I actually (very subtly) said, "Oh, Mo - I need to be in an inter-racial relationship again. I love dating black men." Can we talk about how lame I am, but at least I laugh about it. And hot black man just kept jamming to his ipod, completely oblivious to my efforts. So yeah, that cool little re-enactment could be part of the documentary, too...as well as all the crap I got from Mo and everyone else for my game. er, lack of it.

Petra, Petra, Petra

Shameless plugs - please watch Wednesday night- we'd love the ratings, and seriously - you just fall in love with Petra:

NY Post
NY Daily News

Who, pray tell, does "Rebirth" disappoint?

Because to disappoint, you have to have high expectations in the first place. And no one should have high expectations with a J. Ho album....except of course, my friend Raelyn, who was one of the few suckers who actually bought the album. (although part of me thinks she just did that so she could see me go into convulsions when she plays it at work).

Hmmm...so we know who likes to kiss and tell

'DID I ever have sex in an elevator with Scarlett Johansson after an awards show? I kind of like . . . you know, I . . . well . . . I don't know. Let's leave that to somebody's imagination. Let's not promote it. I'm sure it has happened before. It might not be the last time either."

Dammit, Benicio - of course I live in a walk-up.

Personally, I think Mel Gibson is gross every which way from Sunday, but ewww. he has a great big rash on his face. Triple Nasty.

I'm totally a girl

Yes, I like to hold on to pix like this to inspire me to lose weight. Seriously, Jess looks good, even if she's an alleged cokehead and is stealing brit's look from 3 years ago. She still bores me, but the overall look motivates me.

In other news: Jessica Simpson: marriage counselor (go halfway down)

They just don't know what t odo

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Dumbstruck, two guys in suits stand paralyzed as America's dirtiest and 'bitchiest' roadshow couple walks by. The girl's got no brains, but damn, I love Brit-Brit's subtleties. She's just too perfect.

Seriously, though, what's wrong with those guys? They haven't whipped out their cellies, they appear emotionless. They're just in disbelief that K-Fed actually walked by. "Luckiest little son-of-a-gun in the world."

SJP Hearts HBO

I don't know. I'm into this, but I'm also a little ho-hum about SJP lately. All these singing/dancing GAP ads...when she first signed the deal, I didn't think I'd think like this, but - she's sort of too much of a mom now. Does that make any sense?

Looking for...my childhood

So - my mother's here this weekend, staying with me, hence my being home tonight..Things were actually going alright, we'd had a couple of glasses of wine at dinner, talking about things in general, when for some unknown reason, she decided to spring upon me that she'd been cleaning my room at home...and came upon the box that I keep full of old high school notes, photos, books, and videotapes. Well, seems mom came upon an innocent tape of my old track meets, friends at the pool, in the hallway at school, being stupid, etc...that also happened to have footage from a high school party that I went to - of my friends, my boyfriend (who she hated, conveniently enough), and me drinking and smoking pot - it was high school, of course - everyone did that.

This is something I'd look at now and totally make fun of myself....if I could. Mom took it upon herself to trash the tape - all my high school memories because she "thought I should be embarrassed for myself because it was disgraceful." I'm devastated. Truly, utterly devastated. This woman decided to throw out all my memories, because they disgusted her. The tape was my proprety and had my memories, my successes, my failures, all documented - and she just trashed them. I literally broke into tears at the dinner table and I can't even remotely look at her now. Melodramatic, maybe. But I document things for a living now and she went and threw out the very first projects - the most dear to my heart - because they didn't fit her ideal of the daughter she wanted.

Brit-Brit

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Ok, I don't know what to say about Brit nearly choking herself in the first pic - lollipops are dangerous - but seriously, the girl is like 23/24 years old. At a certain point, you learn how to navigate the line between dressing like shit and dressing up for the Grammys or the Blockbusters. EVERY time the girl goes out, she looks like trash. I know that's why we love her - because she never lets us down, but COME ON, why can't she ever put a look together? She NEVER matches. And I love how subtle she is in everything she wears. Do you think she likes pot? What about being an MILF? For just one day, I want to be with her when she's getting dressed in the morning just to know the thought process that goes into her outfits. just give me one morning. She should auction it off on the website - no joke.

A friend of mine asked me to try out for this

I guess his friend was casting for the show and she called me - But since I'm not a complete media whore, I decided not to...did I miss my big break, I ask, could I have rocked your world just like Jennifer Aniston -nah...BUT - I should've gone to the casting calls - it would've been something fun to write about. And who knows, if i'd made it, I could write about meeting Faye Dunaway and living in Marilyn Monroe's old home.

I direct you to Sienna...

Who's 'got it all.' And yet, in my book, she's still nowhere near the league of Kate Moss.

Rob Corrdry's Blog Piece Tonight on Daily Show: rocked.
Ari Fleischer: ugh.

This is totally random, but this NY Times piece acts like it's a new phenomenon for students to take the SAT and ACT. Haven't people been doing this for at least the last 10 years?

Hunter - Suicide?

Anna Nicole Does Australia

Honestly, the thing that disturbs me most about this picture are the big old nasty pasties. Pasties are gross. Boobs - not a big deal, see 'em every day. But pasties - eww. avoid at all cost.


Secondly, who needs a pit bull when you can get Anna Nicole? Seriously - the woman is an attack dog. Kelly Slater's the victim, but I promise you his arms are raised in the international sign for help, S.O.S, pry this crazy chick off me...

Yes, this is a little crude

x17 agency

Above are some recent photos of everyone's favorite redneck princess. These reminded me of a story from a very reliable source. Apparently, Miss Teen Dream has some exes who have compared notes on her bathroom behavior during overnight visits. These lads discovered that it wasn't just at their homes that she neglected to flush la toilette. Is she used to minions flushing for her? Was she never taught lavatory etiquette? Regardless, the behavior has earned her the enviable nickname of "Shitney."