Hohan doing what she does best...while this week's Us Weekly trumpets an exclusive headline for Lindsay's Healthy Diet (lots of chicken, egg whites, and fish), I think the proof's in the picture. Ciggys, fruity drinks, and (of course) the exercise you get from dancing (and bumping?) til dawn in the nightclubs.

Our fave trophy hubby, K-Fed went shoe shopping the other day, bumping into Bow Wow while out. He showed his multi-tasking skills as he left the store, lighting up his cig, carting his bags, and walking at the same time. Doesn't appear as though he got anything for Brit-Brit who was multi-tasking a little herself - carting the dog and her Starbucks down the street in her Daisy Dukes.

Courtney Love hit the LA club Spider wearing what looked like a dirty pair of drawers

I know, I know...I want that image out of my head, too. So to leave you feeling a little cleaner, here's a quick shot of Cameron Diaz posing for an upcoming magazine cover and the young love of Avril and Derick enjoying a romantic boat ride.

- It's turning into a hot summer: People and Us do battle with dueling Aniston/Pitt covers. (I'd post the pics, but I can't do it on this computer - I put these other ones up at home).
- Round 18 - Brooke throws the punches at Tom.
- Sienna and Jude are free to marry: Jude and Sadie Frost reach out of court settlement

Most Boring Couple Weds

After months of speculation, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner have tied the knot - and she's pregnant. Representatives for both actors confirmed the marriage to The Associated Press Thursday. The publicists, Ken Sunshine and Nicole King, also confirmed that Garner is pregnant with her first child. Sunshine and King would not give any other details. The confirmation came after Us Weekly reported that Affleck, 32, and Garner, 33, were wed Wednesday at the Parrot Cay resort in the Caribbean islands of Turks and Caicos. The National Enquirer also released photos it claimed showed Garner arriving on the islands.

TomKat/Rob Thomas

So...who believes the rumors that a certain world famous movie star was caught in bed with a rock star? The completely unsubstantiated rumor is that:
Not long ago, Marisol, the wife of Matchbox Twenty's Rob Thomas (who has had to contend with his own rumors of bi-sexuality) found her husband in bed with Tom Cruise causing Cruise's people to shift into high gear.

First, Mrs. Rob Thomas was bought off for an undetermined sum. Second, Cruise and his handlers set out to immediately find Cruise a girlfriend. Second-tier actresses were targeted. A list was drawn up with Jessica
Alba (#1 pick) and three other girls who fell out for various reasons. Originally targeted (#3 I think) but later rejected as "undesirable" was rumor queen Lindsay Lohan. Way down at #5 on the list was Katie Holmes,
but that was the one with whom they were able to strike a deal.

Once the contact was signed, photo ops were set up, leaks were made to the right places, and we've had celebrity relationship on steroids ever since.

I've been MIA for the last week, just dealing with life as you might have gathered, but I miss my picture pages...will be back tomorrow with fun stuff, I hope.

But in the meantime, try to care that Avril Lavigne is engaged to one of Paris Hilton's ex-boyfriends, Sum 41 guy, Derick Whibley. What's up with all these little stars getting engaged so young -Brit-Brit, Xtina, Nicole, Paris, etc...will Hohan be the next to go?

Be entertained by some photos of TomKat's latest spotting - the LA premiere of "War of the Worlds." Tom introduced Katie to the former "Jerry Maguire" cutie, Jonathan Lipnicki, who appears to be right in the midst of the bunk period. Ya'll remember it - I was there from ages 10-14.

One of these people does not belong.

I would've much rather been at the premiere of the Dirty South movie "Hustle & Flow." Plus, Terance Howard (in green jacket) - oh yay -we love him....

Anthony Anderson and Taryn Manning

And do ya'll remember anchor, Ashleigh Banfield? A) Is she hip enough to get into the premiere of "Hustle & Flow?" Not in that shirt, dearies, not in that shirt.

The Biggest Mistake of my Life

Have you ever done something and then immediately wanted to cancel clear and start again because you feel like the biggest jackass idiot in the world? Yeah, that's me right now. I'm so pissed at myself. Turned down a really fun, crazy, hip job that was tailor-made for me for the safety and responsibility of a more 'prestige' job that my parents prefer. Some perks were offered which made it more palatable, but at the end of the day, it's still not the perfect occupation for me. The other thing is. Ughhhhh.....I can't even tell you the amount of anger I have at myself right now. This is miserable. But I've made my bed and now I've gotta lie in it. Fucking idiot. I hope I didn't burn too many bridges. I really hate this.

Demi Moore Miscarriage?

Demi Moore lunched at Spago in Beverly Hills yesterday, looking decidedly pregnant. Amid rumors of pregnancy and of a possible miscarriage, Demi Moore, dressed in all black in loose clothing, went without makeup, and covered her belly with her large Hermes bag. Ashton stayed home.
*Note: I don't know if that link will actually work. I can't post photos on this computer-but trust me, she looks preggers (and I know some of you despise that word, but deal)...

My Home: Endangered

So, no, it's not exactly celebrity news, but maybe if all the famous Kentuckians: Diane Sawyer, Ashley Judd, Johnny Depp, George Clooney, Tom Cruise (for a few years), etc...banded together and bought up a couple of farms, we could save a few more acres of the motherland... Seriously, it kills me to see Kentucky's farmland torn down to build yet another McMansion or Wal-Mart SuperCenter.

Yesterday, the World Monuments Fund declared more than 1 million acres of the Bluegrass one of the 100 most endangered cultural sites in the world.

"The inner Bluegrass Region of Kentucky is one of the world's most distinctive cultural and agricultural landscapes," according to the announcement. "Over the past decade, however, the Bluegrass Region has been threatened by rapid development, primarily suburbanization .... The result is substantial loss of rural farmland, compromising sense of place, undermining traditional industries such as horse breeding, and endangering historic structures."

The designation puts 17 Bluegrass counties alongside such famous monuments as the Taj Mahal in India, the temples of Angkor in Cambodia, and the Great Wall of China -- all previous designees by the fund.

Vacation

So - I'm sort of on vacation from my life this week, so updates will be (as you might have noticed) sporadic...have been sort of dealing with life issues & debating whether I want to jump ship to a different job. This is totally a fun, quirky little hobby, but do I want it to be my 'beat'?

But - fun reads for the morning...why do we all hate Tom Cruise?
Katie dropped from 'Batman' sequel. (the hits keep on coming, huh?)
Katie Holmes' Missing Days
The GoFugYourself ladies need your help stamping out real-life fug.

And yay - my very elegant old roomie, Ting-Ting Hu to you, JuJu to me, has a part in the new Anthony Minghella movie, "Breaking & Entering." She left NYC and me for London and Jude Law...can't blame her, can ya?

Bill Clinton Follow Up

Drudge posted the full story on something KettyKet subtly alluded to a few weeks ago...(scroll down to what sort of relationship does Bill still have with his alleged conquests)

You're a Jerk...jerk...jerk

CRUISE GOES BALLISTIC OVER WATER PRANK
Hollywood star Tom Cruise was furious tonight after he was drenched with water at the premiere of his new film War of the Worlds..
Cruise then said forcibly: "You're a jerk...jerk....you're a jerk. Why would you do that, why would you do that? why would you do that?"As the prankster attempted to explain himself, Cruise said: "Do you like thinking less of people, is that it?" The man went to walk away but Cruise said: "Don't run away." He fixed his assailant with an angry stare and said: "That's incredibly rude. I'm here giving you an interview and you do that, it's incredibly rude".

FOLLOW UP: Ben Widdicombe answers a question that KettyKet posed way back in March - What sort of contract does Tom get these women to sign? And note to Katie: Duh- $5 mil isn't very much - you could've held out for $10 million, at least.

From Widdicombe:
A source VERY close to the deal is saying there's a contract.
It's worth $5 million.
It's for five years.
There will be no sex.
The deal was sealed June 7.
That's what I'm hearing.

Fun Bits for the Morning

Leonardo DiCaprio needs stitches after being attacked with a bottle at a Hollywood party.
Bennifer II wedding in West Virginia this weekend?
More Mary Kate gets wasted stories
Ben Widdicombe follows Miu's coverage and asks about Hayden Christensen...
Which handsome young movie actor has been told by his handlers to straighten up his image? Expect fewer fey photo shoots and more leaks about "hooking up" with prime-time TV actresses.

Britney's Bump

Perhaps Britney Spears should lay off some of those Starbucks Grandes and invest the saved income in a new pair of maternity pants?

Assuming of course that she wants to bother with pants at all...

Surprise! The paparazzi randomly find Mena Suvari and a galpal at the gay hangout, Brigg, in Venice Beach, CA. Did Mena leave her hubby of 5 years for a ladyfriend, or is this just a fun bit of PR for Miss Mena?

Just because sometimes it's fun to post pictures of pretty girls, here's Jessica Alba's Rolling Stone cover. Not as iconic as some in the past, but still better than mine might've been.

TomKat: What Did You Say, Darling? Yes?

Tom & Katie - Gone & Done It? I feel like they're ripping a Band-Aid off my arm ridiculously slowly, drawing out the pain...Just yank it off, get it over with, elope, move to a far off island, not to return unless you actually procreate and we see the physical results of a Tom Cruise hook-up with a ladyfriend. Because seriously, I'm of the school where seeing is believing and I ain't believing yet.

UPDATE: AND NOW THE MAINSTREAM PRESS CONFIRMS: TOMKAT TO MARRY
Cruise turned to Holmes: ''What did you say, darling? She said, `Yes.' ... I've never actually been to the Eiffel Tower and I just, it's Paris, you know. It's beautiful, a beautiful city. It's very romantic. I'm excited to be here.''
The NY Post is on the same wavelength as me as far as needing TomKat procreational proof: "WHICH top leading man interviewed three different starlets for the job of girlfriend/future wife before picking his new beloved? "Mark my words: They'll have a baby," said our source. "Maybe he or she will be conceived in a petri dish, but they'll procreate" . . . "

Old Update: Why am I even bothering? Tom & Katie prove they know how to hide out in a hotel room.

Yikes, Jen confirms...Brad's a big fat lying cheat. Yeah, shocking.

And that's all I've really got for ya because I stayed out too late on a school night drinking margaritas. I love summer...and the fact that my room doesn't have air conditioning. It's like laying in a sauna for 7 hours. Lovin it...it's not wrong to continue dating someone just because they've got great A/C, is it? Not that I would. Really.

With the cheerleader lipstick lesbian action, Nicole desperately pulls off the ultimate male fantasy in the upcoming movie "Kids in America." Anything to stretch the 15 minutes of fame.

Non Hohan hook-up, Bruce Willis and his three little ones say hi to Lindsay at the post-premiere party for Mr. and Mrs Smith.

Anna Nicole Smith partied down at the LA Gay Pride Parade. Poor woman.

It disappoints me to see this picture from the 'Bewitched' premiere because it just doesn't look like Nicole and Will had any fun making the film, does it? And if they didn't have fun, how can I possibly enjoy the movie? Plus, the overly-Botoxed Victorian ghost look that Nicole had at both the premiere and on Letterman was a thumbs down. Way too pale, Nic.

On the other hand, at least she wasn't a victim of droopy boobs like Erin Murphy (the original Tabitha).

Hilary and Heather Locklear hit the premiere of 'The Perfect Man,'while Keri Russell did a little shopping.
People confirms...Alicia Silverstone weds her longtime boyf in Lake Tahoe...and follows up with more on the MTV News report that Destiny's Child is breaking up.

NOT GUILTY

Michael Jackson found not guilty on all 10 counts - even the whole Jesus Juice episode. Party in Neverland tonight. Remains to be seen if he'll dance on top of the van again. Jesus, I just saw some woman releasing doves outside the courthouse. All is right in the world again.

Sexy, Sexy

Yep, Jessica Simpson's "These Boots Are Made for Walking" video is pretty hot. I've come 180 degrees with her. Have moved from being ridiculously annoyed with the girl to posting photos of her in the Daisy Duke bikini at my desk at work to inspire me to get in shape (such a girly girl, I am)....Photos are fun, but the boys like the video better (sound down) - check out The Superficial for Jessica in her full glory.

RELATED: Madonna says that during her "vessel of desire" days, she pushed her sexy image too far. Funny she says this now because as recently as last year, she was telling Gen. Wes Clark to see himself as a 'vessel of desire' to Americans, getting him to repeat the mantra with her to visualize success. Most surreal image ever.

A Day in the Life

Hopez worked out. Despite the pregnancy rumors, her booty still appears more swollen than her stomach.

Tom Cruise attended the "War of the Worlds" premiere in Japan (ya'll, he IS that cool).

In the meantime, the person who really liked "The Last Samurai" wrote him a note. If you can't read it, it says: "It's very good of you to make 'The Last Samurai.' I'm very happy you made the movie." Seriously.

Katie was on the other side of the world, hitting the London premiere of "Batman Begins" with Christian Bale, Morgan Freeman, and Michael Caine. And sexy earth mamma Liv Tyler went for a West Village walk with her dog.

Paris and mom, Kathy, had a little 'family' bonding time while serving as the Grand Marshals of the L.A. Gay Pride Parade.

Ashlee pulled a 'Jessica,' braiding her hair in the new, trendy 80's flashback style

And K-Fed embodied every redneck's dream - stepping out in his leather jacket and blue Harley. (a certain friend should pay particular attention to this image)...

In the meantime, one half of the world's hottest couple (Seal & Heidi) showed off a little something.

This was, of course, just before he had his showdown with the paparazzi. He really is the best.

OTHER ITEMS:

Bill Clinton raped Hillary? Result: Chelsea? What sort of relationship does Bill still have with his alleged conquests, I wonder?
Christina Aguilera music (and not J. HO?) used as torture at Gitmo.
Demi Moore supposedly appearing nude on an upcoming Vanity Fair cover with boyf, Ashton Kutcher. Is it just me, or has there been a lot of unnecessary attention given to upcoming VF covers over the last week?
Fran Drescher in shorts, white tee and carrying the once-ubiquitous teeny terrier was spotted at the GNC store on 67th and Columbus asking for a nutritional powder that, alas, that particular GNC did not carry.
Tom vs. Brad: Brad wins.
Ted Koppel Op-Ed on privacy.