Madonnaliciousness

As if the introduction to Best Friend Niiiiick! wasn't enough, I'm gonna double your pleasure with links all around to MADONNA! This was the most fun time I've had in awhile....faithful readers of KettyKet know that I was at Misshapes, the Roxy and her apartment a few weeks ago. But why, you ask?

So that we could get the rockin footage for tonight's Primetime, of course! Madonna talks in detail about her horse accident, but more importantly, she borrows one of our cameras to give us home video of A Day in Madonna's Fabulous Life (Take that VH1's 'Fabulous Life Of' - Pounce)! I mean, we want to hear about the horse accident, but it's the unique look at what it takes to be Madge that we really want to see, right?

Seriously, we get cute footage of Rocco and Lola, behind-the-scenes "Disco" Madonna getting ready for a night out with the Roxy boys, and the women who help Madonna run her business & life.
And then...if that wasn't enough, there's an hour of the train wreck that we lovingly refer to as Anna Nicole right after that. Not to be a shameless plugger, but tonight's Primetime (starting at 9pm) is gonna be cool. (And I promise, that's the last time I talk about that for awhile-I didn't even do it with Prussian Blue).

Best Friend NiiiiiiiCK!

Well, some of you alert little readers (i.e. my boyfriend) noticed the mystery post (sigh. nice to know that family members who have known me for 24 years weren't quite so quick to the punch)...
But you should know - since I've been MIA for way too long, Best Friend Niiiiick! (aka Mrs. X) will now be making regular contributions to my sorry little site. He is funny. He is also married which explains why many of his postings might revolve around Martha "Stuart" Stewart, mowing the lawn, and the virtues of going to bed no later than 10pm.

Who died and made Martha Stuart Queen?

Did any one watch Martha Stuart's show last night? Good. Me neither. It appears that no one is watching Martha's show. So since none of us are watching I figured now would be a perfect time to give you all an update of what has not happened on Martha's show.

Episode 1- ESCAPE FROM CAMP CUPCAKE- After freshly being released from jail, Martha teaches her viewers how even the most innocuous objects may be transformed into a flesh shredding shiv. While sharpening the edge of a KFC acquired Spork, Martha flashes back to her last days inside the hideous camp cupcake.

Martha, in jail, is seen fermenting a fruity prison wine from drain cleaner and cat urine. She is approached by the warden who requests she share the profits from her "distillery." Martha, being the selfish bitch she is, refuses to allow any non-capital contributing bitches in her limited partnership. The warden, upset, reaches for her billy club, but Martha is quicker and pulls from her scarf a kitting pin which she then uses to jab the warden over ten times quickly. She wipes from her hands all the blood and then resumes the inmates in a game of bridge-rumi. She is never accused of the crime and her moonshining business continues.

By the end of the show, Martha shows the viewers what parts of the body are most vulnerable to a plastic shiv. She points to the kidnies and throat as excellent points to stun an enemy in its tracks. She then takes questions from the audience. The first question is how many times should the enemy be stabbed. With an evil but courteous grin she replies "10."

Episode 2- LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE. The show begins with Martha entertaining a live studio audience while she is inhaling lines of cocaine. She talks quickly and violently, "I dont know why my daughter is such a bitch. I dont know maybe its because she's got syphillis. Why cant she let me be free. Im free too like a bird, like a bird, like a bird." Martha falls asleep. The producers of the show try to awake her. After an awkward 10 minutes of dead time she arises with a bloody nose and an idea... Pestacio Pancakes. She quickly runs to the kitchen where she wips out Pestacio pancakes in the remaining time. The studio audience is jubilant. Martha reins supreme. And the street value of cocaine is at an all time high.

Episode 3- Martha gets fired for spending all day writing short little blurbs about her failed show. Oh wait that's me.