Monsters Invade the East Village

Alright, I'll admit - when "Newlyweds" first premiered, I was a fan. It actually made me like Jessica and have some respect for Nick, even if he was a third-tier boy bander and she was a third or even fourth-tier pop star ( behind even Mandy Moore). He's just a good ole boy from Cincinnati, after all.

But now, after every darn magazine has either Jessica or Ashlee on the cover week after week, emails are forwarded about how Jess is "Nick's favorite stocking to stuff" over Christmas, we hear about how they're coke whores during the whole Paris debacle, SNL is invaded, I had to read in this week's In Touch that JESSICA beat out my girl, Kate Hudson, in being cast for a Private Benjamin remake (that Kate's own mother starred in originally) - and NOW, NOW they're taking to the streets of the East Village like they're King Kong or something... I mean, are we safe anywhere? Jessica - forever toting her Louis Vuitton - and Ashlee - forever posing and/or selling herself out to the highest bidder at bat mitvahs- walking through hipster East Village? This could one day be recognized as the day when the neighborhood jumped the shark.

Enough, enough, enough with Jessica and Ashlee (we get it - Jessica's in the marriage from hell & Ashlee & Ryan Cabrera and his nasty-ass hair are in a continued on-off relationship). Won't America realize sometime soon that we (& MTV) have nurtured monsters and just send them back to Texas (because, after all, isn't it the homestate of most American monsters).