God, just look at how cool Jay is. I mean, for real.

Jay is the Gay Man's Varmus

Today's PageSixSixSix reminded me of something I've wanted to post for awhile, but keep forgetting. Heidi Klum's Project Runway is some great television. I sat in front of the tv for hours a few weeks ago with my straight male roomie, watching the Runway marathon. (I love how I've totally turned him into a girl....don't tell him that - but it's actually funny - when my Us Weekly gets in the mailbox, he's already flipped through the whole thing before I get home...and don't even get us started on America's Next Top Model....) But anyway Project Runway is sooo fantastic. I absolutely adore Jay - he's hilarious. Robert is hot, but he has nowhere near the personality of Jay. And Jay could be the twin brother of this kid I know - Varmus.

Austin's pretty fabulous, too, but more in the Southern Gothic "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof," "won't go out without all my makeup," kind of way. A little too frou-frou for my taste.

Nora's cool but looks just like a friend who started out as an enemy in college, Jesse. She tried so hard to be gay, but of course, now she's pregnant and got married like a month ago. First one to go all out - she even has two stepchildren.

Heidi Klum. Well. Heidi Klum is pretty shrewd and she's gonna marry Seal and she always looks hot in the clothes. So, even though she totally stole Tyra's idea for a show, I forgive her because well, seriously, she and Seal are together and in the words of my friend, Doug, who I can't believe actually paraphrases Paris, "That's hot."

The Early Bird Special - a rather tame account of a hard lesson learned

Oh f**k. Went to the early bird special last night (i.e. my friend could only get dinner reservations at this one place at 6:30pm) and there were 18 of us so we had to do it big. Wine, champagne, blah, blah. Flirty boy buys a lap dance for me. The dancer comes up in my face all "You're beautiful, dance with me." I'm not drunk enough yet to dance with her. Go to a hookah bar afterwards. More wine. Go down to Tribeca to yet another bar. I'm all getting flirty, so of course, I smooch one of the guys. Of course. At this point, it's like 10-10:30pm? Embarrassing how out of it I already am by this point. I know better than to drink too much wine - it seriously makes me crazy. I run into 2 gals from my sorority in college who I haven't seen in 3 years. This is bad. They're all "talk talk talk" in my face and all I can think is "what is your name? I know exactly who you are, but what is your name? Why isn't your name coming to me?" I feel like I dwelled on that thought for like 5 minutes - I know I sounded retarded. Oh f**k, I didn't pace myself. I hang out with flirty boy for a bit - but have another party to go to which I know full well I won't make it to. I'm ridiculous and for my own safety and name, I know enough to get myself home.

Home by 1am. lame. without my phone and without flirty boy - ha. God- it was so early. I have no idea what bar I was at in Tribeca and I lost my phone. Silent prayer that I can get back the phone because I have no access to anybody without it. I deserve to get it back though because I once found a phone in the back of a cab the very day that my cell phone quit working (got it wet for the last time) andI actually returned it. I should have some karma coming to me...So yeah, Doug, if you're reading this, check your email - where were we? And explain to flirty boy that I was just not myself - it was the wine and the hookah... And Adam, this explains why you had a few voicemails from me - I couldn't remember where your party was...
Lesson learned - stay away from those early bird specials.

UPDATE: Phone's been found. Karma rocks. And flirty boy called.

Is it just me or is J. Ho looking more and more like a Jersey mom desperately trying to stay trendy while showing off all the goodies she can afford? It doesn't work, though, when you pair the big fur jacket with the huge gold designer bag and the equally distracting fur boots. It's tacky and actually ends up looking cheap. No style. As I said a few days before, though, I love it when La Lopez looks like shit, so again, keep the stylist, girlie.

Oh my god, I have to see this show

Okay, where have I been...I'm obviously not as hooked into pop culture as I thought. How could I have missed this show - do I even get the Outdoor Life Network on my cable plan? All I have to say is I laughed out loud when I read some of this article. I've never hunted in my life (nor do I have any real desire to, but I want to meet him. Tred Barta sounds like one of your crazy uncles. An excerpt (and for some unknown reason I have the theme song of "Cops" going through my head as I read - 'Bad Boys, Bad Boy, whacha gonna do?': An excerpt:

TRED BARTA believes many things. He believes that hunting dogs should earn their place by the campfire, and that hunters should earn their trophies the hard way. For Mr. Barta personally, this means hunting pheasant with a bow and arrow, a method only slightly more reliable than trying to catch one with a pair of salad tongs.

In a regular column he writes for Sport Fishing magazine, he commonly describes mishaps even worse that happen when the television cameras are away, like the time he accidentally ran over a raccoon near his home in Southampton, N.Y., and, hoping to take its pelt, got out and grabbed it only to discover that it was still alive. Before he was able to put it out of its misery, it tore into his hand. "Now bleeding all over my truck," he recounted, "I spilled coffee in my lap."

Beyonce and Kelly Break-up?

In the "only surprised it didn't happen earlier" department:

SEXY singer Beyoncé Knowles has given a big hint that the end might be near for Destiny's Child. The gorgeous star has forged a successful solo career - and she says the group's latest album, Destiny Fulfilled, may be their last. The 23-year-old beauty told Sky News: "Maybe in five years we'll do another record, maybe not.
"We could do a reunion but we can't be 40 doing Bootylicious."
Beyonce, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams reformed Destiny’s Child last year after two years apart.

This is just really so harsh...

Okay, I like Ellen Degeneres - I think she's hilarious, but God, she and Portia are just behaving despicably. It's great that they're in love, but a little discretion, ladies. Hearts were broken. Must you already be getting rings, elaborate presents, and ditching PR people? Did you not learn anything from the Bennifer fiasco? Lesbian or not, you don't just rush into these things.

Sigh...

** Note: can't vouch that this photo is from the actual Duke party...was part of the forward, though and makes a good illustration.

My friend, Adam, forwarded this to me. Just a few days ago, I was all reminiscing on the college days and the oh-so-cool Pimps and Ho's parties we had. God, that is like so uncool old school...look what the kids down there are doing these days...my favorite phrase "pool of lubricants." It just makes me giggle -

On a more mature note - will those families who live around East Campus never learn?! We Dukies aren't going away...Take that Harvard and Penn -I dare you to have a wilder party than this one. Double-dog.

DUKE PARTY FEATURES BIKINIS, BABY OIL
DURHAM, N.C. - In what police say was an homage to the movie "Old
School," partying Duke University students were found in a fraternity
house basement with an inflatable pool, a whole lot of baby oil and
women in bikinis.

Police came upon the scene early Sunday after responding to a noise
complaint.

"Inside were several of America's future, re-enacting a scene from the
movie 'Old School,' where females wrestle in a pool of lubricants,"
police Sgt. D. Gunter said. In their version, the Duke students
apparently opted for baby oil.

Officers said they cleared the house of the 200 revelers, sending some
of the women home in the subfreezing temperatures in nothing more than
the bikinis they wore.

Nicholas Hunter Roberts, who lives at the address, was charged with
violating the city's noise ordinance, a misdemeanor that carries a $150
fine.

There has been ongoing tension between students and residents of the
neighborhoods that adjoin Duke's East Campus. Other weekend parties in
the area resulted in noise ordinance charges and a marijuana possession
charge.

Everyone's Favorite Little Sis is Back

And no....of course I don't mean Jan, silly. Ashlee's back - tonight. Despite what 60 Minutes promised they'd air months ago (you guys DO remember that, right?), MTV gives us the real reason for Ashlee's SNL dance. The jig's not up yet, guys (I was dying to put that in this paragraph somewhere): Voila

Oh goodness, Elijah's such a rock star that I had to post two pictures of him. Swoon. Now I know how the gals felt when they first saw Elvis.

Whoa. All I have to say is that Elijah Wood at Sundance bears a striking resemblance to the Chelsea boys I saw downtown this weekend. Who's Elijah dating these days?

Okay, I don't really get the whole Brooke Burns thing. Yes, she's hot, but have you seen her show?! It sucks. Not in a great, campy, Mischa Barton/O.C.-kind of suck, but in a genuine, this-show-is-crap, change-the-channel kind of suck. I was mildly amused by her flirtation with Bruce Willis, but c'mon, how long can she milk that? She's really pushing this new look, isn't she? Who is her publicist? Seriously, they're really good...

YES!!!!!

Imagine me, if you will, saying that in a Napoleon Dynamite tone. All I have to say is, Don Cheadle, I've got your back. We're going to do this together, my friend. You're getting that Oscar...to make up for "Devil in a Blue Dress" all those years ago. And to honor you in "Boogie Nights." I mean, gang, how could you not love Don Cheadle in "Boogie?" He just broke my heart in that thing. I love him so much that I"m even picking him over my Kentucky boy, Johnny Depp. And lord knows, I was stalking Depp in like 1989 - whenever 21 Jump Street was around...

As for the rest, ummm...go Kate Winslet - cuz she's the only one who's been in a movie I've actually seen. And loved. Annette Bening, though? This is mean of me, but no buzz. I guess I'll have to check out the film, though. I mean, I'm not really one of those Americans who is solely influenced by the 'buzz' factor.

Drinking with the Enemy...

Oh my god. I knew that it was iffy when my sister took me to her boyfriend's hangout a few months ago in D.C. (he IS a Republican, after all...), but for the love of God, I didn't realize that it was the headquarters for Jenna and Babs' enabler. Smith's Point. The New York Times offers an investigative glimpse into the Bush gals' secret hideaway (I mean, they're a little too old for a treehouse).

Okay, everyone knows what I think about j.ho, but I just can't stop myself. I love that she's consistently been looking like shit lately. Keep that stylist, girlie.

The Oscars

Okay....the last couple of weeks have just been a rehearsal. This week's Newsweek officially opens the gates for the Oscar frenzy of the next month. It's a slightly bizarre group: Paul Giametti, Jamie Foxx, Annette Bening, Hilary Swank, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet. (Well, maybe it's because I've only seen one of their movies) but especially because I'm still on my Don Cheadle obsession - where was he during this 'conversation?' More importantly, where was his publicist? Have they just given up their publicity push?

I did like this excerpt, though...Foxx's teeth have always been what stop me - he would be cute...except for those crazy teeth:

FOXX: And you can tell... it's little things, like Chris Rock and his new set of teeth. Now, people have always told me my teeth are too big—
WINSLET: Don't you dare touch your teeth.
FOXX: But if I change them, I may lose that goofiness.
DICAPRIO: You can't get too comfortable, man. You can never lose that hunger.
FOXX: And you gotta listen to the girls in airport security, because they will lay it out for you: "Jamie, OK, I liked you in 'Ray,' but what was goin' on with 'Bait'?" [Laughter]

The Good Old Days

So, I went to the website of a dear, dear family friend at Sewanee and got all sentimental for college. oh how I miss those carefree days.

Is this old news?

Okay, yet again, Simon Cowell finds it necessary to attack... He tells Esquire magazine: "I find the whole Beyonce thing really mystifying. She's not sexy, she hasn't got a great body and she's not a great singer."
No, B's not the greatest singer, but c'mon Simon, how many gals do you know who can convincingly pull off spandex? She's working it in this picture. Yeah, it's still spandex which to me is a fashion gross, but you can't say she doesn't look pretty good here. Her body is actually part of the reason why I like her. It's normal and she celebrates it. Leave her alone, Simon. She's far too famous to pay attention to anything you say. Plus, she still looks better in tight clothes than you.

So yeah, I like Beyonce - I really do. But not in movies. Concerts, videos, stuff where she's singing - I'm happy - but she kind of bores me on film...so, I don't know what to think about this - we'll see, at least she'll be able to sing:

GORGEOUS singer Beyonce Knowles is set to star in a new movie version of Broadway musical Dreamgirls.
The 23-year-old is being tipped to play frontwoman Effie, the role made famous on Broadway by actress Jennifer Holliday.

*** Trend Alert in the Heartland ***

So, I've noticed something over the last week - Friendster seems to have finally made its way to Kentucky. It's kind of fun, but weird - I've been 'solicited' like 3 times from old friends there in the last couple of days - and even, oh yeah(!) gotten a new testimonial. Woohoo. Rock on! (No, seriously, it makes me look more popular, right)?

J. Ho and Marc are down with the fur lately -well, maybe not Marc so much - it doesn't look like he can see very much with it gracing his face - but...Here's a shot of her as she prepares to shoot a series of looks for her new 'album.'

More fur...

And another dead animal skin...plus, everyone's doing the Princess Leia look lately - first Mariah, now JHo.

x17 agency

Okay, well, plaid's not exactly slenderizing, but, if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck...it must be pregnant, eh Garner? Just looking at this picture makes me feel like she's already at the stage where she gets exhausted trying to pull herself up off the couch.

How to Blog Like a Rock Star

Maybe I'll use these tips, maybe I won't...still a fun little read.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

Yikes - Sydney Simpson didn't know any better - O. J. was all that she had...thanks to pagesixsixsix for the lead...

And the happy homewreckers, er, happy couple, makes an appearance at their first big event. Both lookin' sexy. But seriously, Ellen seems a little midlife crisisy with the "look at me with the hot young blonde on my arm."

Definitely Not a National Treasure

There were a lot of bad looks for the night (Diane Keaton, Natalie Portman, Lisa Marie Presley Teri Hatcher), but for the worst, I'm going with this one - Diane Kruger apparently thought that cutting a hole in a potato sack (albeit an elaborately brocaded one) would suffice for a sexy look. Nope.

And the winner is....

Okay, it was a close race between Nicole and Charlize's dresses for the night (I love midnight blue), but I"m gonna go with Nicole. For the simple fact that it reminds me of how much I loved peacocks when I was little. Big improvement from last year.

Finally...a name

It sounds like a candy bar, but apparently, it's the name of a generation. We've had Yuppies, Gen X and Gen Y, and now, with little fanfare, my generation has a name: The Twixter. Thank you, Time magazine, for the hip title. Now, if you excuse me, I need to call my parents because they need to go ahead and wire the first half of my annual support package of $2,323. (kidding, ummm yeah, sort of).

x17 agency

In a reverse move, Kevin takes a style step backwards with the new cornrows. One would think that suddenly gaining access to millions of dollars might lead to a positive style change, a "Pretty Woman" type shopping spree on Rodeo Drive, if you will. Sadly, Kev takes a step back, providing yet another example of why white people can't wear cornrows. With the exception of Bo Derek, mais oui.

A Coincidence???

From today's New York Daily News:

- What Hollywood hunk is the star of pictures bouncing around the Internet, taken at a football game two weeks ago, of him stoned out of his noodle?

Hmmm...where have I seen that before? Where have I seen that? Oh yeah...just a few posts (& a few days) ago -

Harry's Lesson

Is anyone with me that we've had enough with the Harry headlines? Drudge, you can seriously stop with the bells and whistles . A 20-year-old wore an inappropriate costume. Do you know how many Pimps & Ho's frat parties I went to in college? It goes with the age although damn, I was a good-looking ho. It's not like he actually led us into a war under false pretenses or rewarded those who validated the false intelligence that led us into that war. But it's a celebrity culture. I know I spend half my time writing about Brad, Beyonce, and Brit-Brit, but this is a blog, not the BBC.

While everyone's been talking about Lohan partying it up at The Boot or strolling through LAX in her jammies, this gem of Brit-Brit being blessed by a street 'healer' was bypassed. I still love ya Brit, so ya'll, here's a photo of our favorite little Lousiana lady continuing in her quest to find her true religion and ultimate peace - Kabbalah is so 2003/2004, after all.

While we're on Brad Pitt...here's a picture of him looking stoned while in Miami for the Orange Bowl....now, I'm not saying he IS stoned, but he does supposedly really like the weed. You be the judge.

Brad and Angelina's Secret Calls

You've heard about them, now you can see them yourself...Go here.

Amen

Frank Rich has a great recap of the Armstrong Williams scandal and Crossfire.

Gotti Hotti

Wedged between the requisite Star Wars photo layout in the latest Vanity Fair (seriously, don't they do a spread every time one of the movies comes out...I love Annie Leibovitz, but the Star Wars spread NEVER does it for me), they've got a little Q & A with Victoria Gotti. The Corsair makes fun of it here.

Your Sleazy MJ Update for the Day

I'm hungover and need some French fries. The MJ trial doesn't completely absorbe me, but I wanted to post something. Look, ABC has the exclusive accusations by Jackson's accuser - TONIGHT... You know you want to know more about Jesus Juice.

The Bachelorette

So I was so bummed last night - I sat through 2 hours of The Bachelorette waiting to see which guy fainted. Along the way, though, I loved the eye candy that was Ryan, although I've gotta to say that Kentucky-boy really did a dis-service to the state. We're the heartland of bourbon-making and the boy couldn't handle his liquor worth a damn....that said, though, I'm gonna be hooked for the next couple of weeks because I want to see how Ben Sands does. While the 'smarter' Harvard kids do reality shows that will hopefully land them a job like "The Apprentice," leave it to us beautiful Dukies (or their siblings) to flock to "The Bachelorette" and "Survivor." Can you believe that we now have three reality superstars? I went to a Survivor reunion last year with one of my friends - I couldn't believe the amount of attention she got by people who were flocking for an autograph.. It was insane. But that's something for another post. In the meantime -

Ben Sands, Ben Sands...I can't believe you're looking for love with Jen Schefft.

There's magazines to sell, people...Beyonce & Jay - new Brad & Jen?

And Bonnie Fuller needs to redeem herself after Star totally lost all credibility with hard-hitting journalists after last week's headline: Brad & Jen Back On: IT'S BABY TIME!

Now that I've passed the denial stage in the Brad/Jen breakup, I've moved on to acceptance and have started thinking ahead....whose face do I most want staring out at me for the next couple of years (or couple of months, at least)? I nominate Jay-Z and Beyonce. They've got the star power, they're gorgeous, they're both at the top of their game, and they're both usually awesome dressers (minus B's Grammy dress and the Lion outfit above). They've even got the same initials as Brad and Jen (it's written in the stars, don't ya think?)

The problem is that I don't see my mother buying a "People" because she wants to read about Jigga - she would, however, read something about Jude Law. Jude and Sienna Miller are right on their heels, but even though they're gorgeous, I don't think they have the appropriate hype. They're white, though, which of course helps any cause. I don't really care about Ben Affleck and Jen Garner as I think that split pea soup is more interesting than she is. The same goes for anyone Matt Damon is involved with. Send in any other suggestions. I withdraw J. Ho & her Chihuhua hubby and Nick & Jessica from the running due to oversaturation anyway. Brad and Jen have big shoes to fill, so think creatively, people...we need to start handicapping this stuff and lord knows, I'm already suffering withdrawal from the dearth of Baby-watch stories...that said, though, Brit-Brit & Federfine might finally come through for us. They've been teasing us long enough.

Just jump on the bandwagon

So, I read Gawker today and was a little underwhelmed, to say the least, at one gal's claim of Brad's 'flirtation' with her in the days after 9/11. I think all of us in those days, including celebrities, were latching on to each other for conversation or some laughs maybe, trying to acknowledge humanity and other Americans to get a little solace and comfort in the small things. It's obvious to me that Brad was probably just talking to her, maybe a smile here or there to make her feel better in those tumultous hours and days after the attack. Now, in my story, however, from barely 2 months ago, which you can find if you scroll below, I think it's pretty obvious that Brad was just screaming: Jump in bed with me now. I mean, c'mon people. Her story versus mine. I might add that a little later on, when I was having a private conversation with Clooney, Pitt came up to interrupt us. I, of course, played hard to get and kept talking to GQ. There's no doubt. Ha.

Evolution of a Dress

It could very well just be me, but I feel like the dress that Naomi Watts wore a few weeks ago is a much better, more understated version of Beyonce's "Genie-In-A-Bottle" look for last year's Grammies. Both have the whole jeweled neckline thing, going on, but Beyonce, take note. I liked your Grammy dress, but it was a little over-the-top. You wear the dress, it shouldn't wear you.

February 2004

If they couldn't make it last, who can?

Now, I'm more of a Don Cheadle gal myself, but I wouldn't throw Brad Pitt out of bed. I never thought I'd actually get that chance, though,because he and Jen were happily married - and they were so cute together, I actually really wanted them to last. That said, I'm not blind. So - see....I told all of my friends that he was flirty when we did an interview with him last month ( he really didn't have to say 'thank you' in 4 different ways, did he?)......Vindication is sweet. He wanted me. Brad and Jen are breaking up.

Transcript of Brad, George Clooney, and Don Cheadle & me:

Brad and I exchange smiles, Brad looking directly into my eyes (and getting lustful, obvs)- Brad: "Oh grazie, pleasure, dandy, thanks."

I walk out. Clooney & Pitt exchange glances at me as I walk out of room & then at each other.

Clooney: Oh, that's how you do it.

Cheadle: That's how he gets it done, baby.

Clooney: He is good.

Cheadle: He's so good.

I mean, it's obvious they were all screaming, let's have an orgy in the back room now.

Mini-Me Can't Find La Toilette

I have this friend, Brad, from high school who loved midgets. And fat people. It was terrible, but Brad was hilarious. Consistently, drunkenly hilarious. Always good to go to his house to drink while his parents had their 'Friday night date.' Also, there was this one particularly good year when he was recovering from arm surgery and he had an abundant supply of Percocets for us all to share. Anyway, I immediately thought of him when I saw this clip of Mini-Me drunkenly crashing into a wall and then peeing on the floor on the latest season of VH-1's The Surreal Life. Actually, kinda reminded me of something Brad has been known to do, to tell ya the truth.

It's Always Fun to hear what bacon the boss is bringing home

While I can barely afford my subway token and eat cheese and crackers every night....Go Eisner.

WH Commentator Paid to Promote Law

Not surprising at all, but still depressing to see ... First, it was the fake television reporters that the Bush administration used as real reporters in video hand-outs that they sent to various media outlets to promote their Medicare prescription drug program. Now it comes out that his Education Department actually also PAID real pundits to support the No Child Left Behind Act: $240,000 to Armstrong Williams.

Get Crunk Mood

It may just be me, but I doubt it. Here I am, little blonde gal from the South, but anytime I listen to hard-core rap, I'm all c'mon baby, bring it on. I start walking in a different way, feeling proud of my big booty like J. Ho has nothing on me, and start feeling all tough in my New Balance sneakers and Herve Chapelier (gift from mom) preppy pink bag. You can't touch this, babe. I'm like yeah, Talib wants me, Mos wants me, 50 wants me...I suppose if they had a girl version of Office Space, I'd be the 'Michael Bolton' guy, right?

I was always more of a Mike Tyson girl myself, weirdly enough, even after the whole ear incident - I guess it was the whole bad boy thing - but this article finally made me sympathetic toward Holyfield. Poor guy - I really want him to make a comeback now. Am I such a girl?

Bless her heart. Mariah, I know you're desperate and you love showing the legs, but you're out with kids...Tone it down, doll. And that's not a smile on the little girl's face - it's a grimace of fear, I promise. Finally, Princess Leia called - she needs her earmuffs back....Again, I Repeat, TID.

I don't get it. I just don't get it. Serena still hearts Brett. And Brett, in turn, hearts Serena. Ewww to both of them. Part of me wants to take that back because I know that Brett could send Serena after me and she'd kick my boot-ay while simultaneously readjusting that lovely pink sarong of hers. And he'd still be standing on the sidelines, leisurely talking on the phone. She really doubles as his bodyguard, doesn't she?

I Heart Lindsayism

She has a great list of links up today that a former intern of hers from Penn put together. Go to them. They're hilarious. Laugh out loud funny.

More on the Jennifer/La Lopez/J. Ho

Today, Roger Friedman follows up on my little blip from the other day about J. Ho's new song 'Get Right.' He does a slightly better job describing J. Ho's vocals, or lack of them:

Lopez repeats the chorus (with that shrill Usher horn riff playing behind her) for a full two minutes before she hits the "song" part. And that's where the problem lies.
Unadorned by her usual phalanx of backup singers, Lopez then starts shrieking, or talk-singing, for the remaining one-minute, 45-second melody. It's a frightening moment in pop-music history, but a delicious one to imagine being recreated on TV shows when the inevitable publicity deluge begins for Lopez's new album, due in March.

Tucker's Out

I flirted with the idea of naming the headline "CNN's Tuckered Out with Carlson," but thought I'd spare you that...anyway, yep, it's true according to the AP...

CNN said goodbye to pundit Tucker Carlson onWednesday, and with him likely the "Crossfire" program that has been the granddaddy of high-volume political debate shows on cabletelevision. Carlson has reportedly been talking with MSNBC about a prime-time openingreplacing Deborah Norville. Carlson did not immediately return a call to his cell phone forcomment.

Amanda Tree, Amanda Tree...

This was a pretty entertaining little series. Kudos to all the Sherlocks involved with it.

Want a Viper? Want Some Money?

I can't even tell you how much enjoyment I get from Anna Nicole Smith's TrimSpa commercial right now. "Like my body?" Oh my god, it was just on tv again. Geez, I'm going to be going around all day trying to do that voice. And I love my friend, Christy, who also wisely pointed out, "Her boobs are bigger than my head!"

That's what I'm talking about

ohmygod. This is the best site ever....

Ah...the Jennifers

So - I'm on my way home and I hear the DJ introduce J. Ho's new 'song' Get Right with Fabolous. I'm all, oh no, my vacation from Janothony is up, only 4 days into 2005. But as with all things J. Ho and me, I couldn't turn away. It's like seeing your 10 millionth girl wearing Uggs, you know exactly what they'll look & sound like, they're ubiquitous, but you have to look and see exactly how terrible they look. It sort of makes you feel better about yourself. So, with that, I settled in to listen to J. Lo's Rebirth .

1) 'Get Right' starts out with Fabolous saying something like "Ok, it's time for J. Lo." Umm...'scuse me? Didn't Jeannette Walls tell me just today that J. Ho wants to ditch that moniker? She quotes La Lopez: "I'm not J.Lo. She's not a real person. She was just a bit of fun that got really crazy. I've never been anyone but Jennifer." What's up with that? You brought it on yourself, loco. What do you think happens when you name your CD, J.Lo, and your clothing line J. Lo? Make up your mind, Lopez. Don't use it everywhere, including your current single, and then complain about it...but no worries, you'll always be J. Ho to me, my dear.

2) C'mon producers: J. Ho's voice is computer-generated, so why does is still sound like painful screeching? Her voice grates when she's talking - when it's set to music, I think we can all agree that it remains a pretty hideous sound....

And then as far as Bennifer 2 - I just don't get Jennifer Garner. Yeah, she's got a hot body but other than that, ya'll, don't you think she's a little boring? I mean, she named her dog 'Martha Stewart' in a non-ironic way - she genuinely loves Martha Stewart. Why do we need to know that she is sick? Who cares?

And the beat goes on....

Bush hasn't even been inagaurated and he's already preparing us for 2008 by sending his brother off to Asia to inspect the region. I know Jebbie says that he won't run in 2008, but c'mon. Why else is he out there, other than for a photo op? Article on the higher profile of Jebbie courtesy of the AP and the great Ron Fournier and Anne Gearan.

Sandra the Great

Say what you will about her being the Poor Man's Julia or being washed-up, I like her.

But props to her for donating $1 million of her personal money to tsunami relief. That's an even bigger deal when you consider that she hasn't had a hit movie in almost 5 years.