Ah...the Jennifers

So - I'm on my way home and I hear the DJ introduce J. Ho's new 'song' Get Right with Fabolous. I'm all, oh no, my vacation from Janothony is up, only 4 days into 2005. But as with all things J. Ho and me, I couldn't turn away. It's like seeing your 10 millionth girl wearing Uggs, you know exactly what they'll look & sound like, they're ubiquitous, but you have to look and see exactly how terrible they look. It sort of makes you feel better about yourself. So, with that, I settled in to listen to J. Lo's Rebirth .

1) 'Get Right' starts out with Fabolous saying something like "Ok, it's time for J. Lo." Umm...'scuse me? Didn't Jeannette Walls tell me just today that J. Ho wants to ditch that moniker? She quotes La Lopez: "I'm not J.Lo. She's not a real person. She was just a bit of fun that got really crazy. I've never been anyone but Jennifer." What's up with that? You brought it on yourself, loco. What do you think happens when you name your CD, J.Lo, and your clothing line J. Lo? Make up your mind, Lopez. Don't use it everywhere, including your current single, and then complain about it...but no worries, you'll always be J. Ho to me, my dear.

2) C'mon producers: J. Ho's voice is computer-generated, so why does is still sound like painful screeching? Her voice grates when she's talking - when it's set to music, I think we can all agree that it remains a pretty hideous sound....

And then as far as Bennifer 2 - I just don't get Jennifer Garner. Yeah, she's got a hot body but other than that, ya'll, don't you think she's a little boring? I mean, she named her dog 'Martha Stewart' in a non-ironic way - she genuinely loves Martha Stewart. Why do we need to know that she is sick? Who cares?