KettyKet: May 2005

The Hunted Becomes The Huntress

Last week, the celebs were all about the annoyed-yet-still-relatively-civil finger. This week, Sienna Miller pulls a Cameron and goes into attack mode on the paparazzi. Note the distinct stages of the dangerous encounter:
1) Like a tiger, Sienna prepares to make her move
2) She begins her stride
3) From the side, she's momentarily distracted
4) Sienna pounces
5) She bares her teeth, warning her prey not to come back for more.

While I spent my Memorial Day weekend turning into a lovely tomato (nothing like the first summer sunshine on winter-white skin) and FINALLY catching the Basquiat show, LiLo hung out in L.A. with some of her friends, including the much-talked about, mysterious, 'rexic, fro-ed hippie. Who IS that guy?

Nicole Ritchie takes LiLo's lead and also steals Mary Kate's/LES leggings and cowboy boots look

Jake Gyllenhaal spent time with a Kirsten-ish new gal pal.

Brit-Brit rested her feet on a fast-food break (ah...sweet flashbacks to her many barefoot visits to the gas stations last summer..) . She and K-Fed had dropped off little Kori and apparently needed to just chill, ya'll.

Nothing cuter than daddy Colin Farrell taking baby James swimming

Side note: I'm now, not surprisingly, obsessed with Basquiat. Appreciated him before, but now I've officially bought all pertinent biographies on his life. Is it just me or does the ex resemble him? (Really, it's just the hair, I know)..

Finally, besides my Basquiat bios, I'm gonna be following these Washington Post/Clinton book excerpts pretty closely, too. Drudge has a little more on them - the lies, the fights, the insults....

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage

As Britney, Christina, Nicole, Katie?, (and maybe even Jessica) will vouch, the hottest accessory in Hollywood these days is a husband (or husband-to-be), so Paris Hilton joins the crowd and agrees to marry shipping heir, Paris Latsis.

Give Me a Break

Tom has already popped the question to Katie? COME ON! Why do they insist on continuing this charade?

On a separate note, we saw more passion in a kiss when Angelina kissed her brother at the Oscars.
(but I know, we really don't need to go there).

Ouch - Coldplay Officially Runner-Up to Cell Phone Song

Apple's dad's been outsold by a frog...

"A cell phone ring tone appeared set to top the British singles chart Sunday, outselling the new single by the band Coldplay by nearly four to one.

"Crazy Frog Axel F," a ring tone based on the sound of a revving Swedish mo-ped, is the first tune being used on mobile phones to cross into mainstream music chart.

Coldplay had hoped to go straight to No. 1 on this Sunday's British singles chart with its new song, "Speed of Sound." But by Saturday, it appeared that the ring tone which is available for digital download and as a compact disc single would prevail." (AP)

It can't be fun to be in Gwyneth's house this weekend. Chris has recently been quoted in NME saying "It'll be hard to beat, for us..."

Crazy Frog Axel F Video
Chris Martin Entertainment Weekly interview

Katie vs. Diane

No contest. Diane, hands down. (New York magazine via Gawker)
(I'm risking shoving it down ya'll's throats with another KY reference, but Diane's from Kentucky - state of "fast horses, beautiful women, and good whiskey." I like to think we have a natural grace...and c'mon even Chris Rock admits Diane's sexy).

…Next up [in the Today Show firings] was Tom Touchet, recruited from ABC, with experience at Good Morning America; he too lasted about two and a half years before being axed in April. Couric has publicly protested that she had almost nothing to do with the latest decision. (“I wish I were that powerful and calling the shots,” she told USA Today. “It’s just not the case, but for whatever reason people ascribe to me power that I don’t really have and don’t exert.”) But she left fingerprints. On the Tuesday that Touchet was fired by Neal Shapiro, the producer went back to his office after getting the news and then received a call from Couric. She was on the line to suggest a story for the next day relating to coverage of the new pope. When Touchet explained that he had been let go and wouldn’t be producing the show, Couric blurted out, “That wasn’t supposed to happen until Friday.” (Touchet, who didn’t return calls, repeated her comment immediately to other staffers standing around his office at the time and subsequently told his friends that Couric didn’t even try to fake the usual so-sorry-wish-you-well niceties; instead she abruptly ended the call.) When Lauer organized a good-bye dinner for Touchet and senior staffers, no one was surprised that Couric was not there.

Papa Lohan Heading to Prison

Lindsay Lohan's dad, Michael,was sentenced to prison this afternoon in Nassau County Court for a variety of crimes.

They include assaulting his brother-in-law with a shoe at a party, driving while intoxicated and aggravated driving without a license, a felony. Judge Claire Weinberg sentenced Lohan to a 1 1/3 to 4 years in prison. But Weinberg did refuse to sign an order of protection on behalf of Lindsay Lohan, noting that the actress is now over 18 years old and would need to request such an order herself.

Nassau prosecutor Joy Watson said she would ask Lindsay Lohan about that. (Newsday)
No comment from Party Gal, Lindsay, as of yet.

Blind Item & 'Breakfast Club'

Which Hollywood actor's unlikely attempts to seduce an older co-star may be the result of a recent appetite for crystal meth? (Popbitch)
Thoughts?

On another note, "Breafast Club" cast is reuniting at this year's MTV Movie Awards...yay!

This week, the paparazzi were given several silent messages:
1) F*** you, paparazzi (Charlize)
2) Right back at ya (Ashton)
3) Yo, assholes, I'm still married (but I'm still saying F-U with my ring finger). (Jessica)
4) Jay-Z and I are totally ready to start a family. Just look at me with Solange's baby (Beyonce)
5) Yep, that's right. I'm skinny. Eat your heart out. (like you need to ask)

The whole gang got in on the outing - Kelly, Michelle, and B's mom tagged along on the shopping trip, too. As did a mystery man with Adam Duritz hair.

I know we've OD-ed on the subject, but maybe I'm a crackwhore and can't stay away. 'Rexic Lohan versus healthy Lohan (in Miami a year ago).

She's also looking a lot less boob-a-licious, huh? Naturally caused by the weight loss and nothing else, I'm sure...(and that last photo I had to include just because -at the risk of being crude - good god!, those babies were ginormous...)

Have ya'll ever noticed that bad TV shows are sooo much better when you watch in a hotel room? You don't want to turn them off. I swear, last night I watched "Charmed" all the way through, then switched over to Kelly Ripa on David Letterman (if anyone else saw that, she's got herself some white teeth - time for the Britesmile intervention). If there was an old school infomercial for Ginsu Knives on, I swear I could've stayed up til 4am. Got up this morning and kept right on going with the 'Charmed' marathon. I felt like Frances Bean (maybe not the most appropriate link, but it came to mind). And then I jumped on the bed, just for the hell of it. It's fun.
Beyond that, I love Louisville. I love Bardstown Road. West Louisville - eh, not so much. I think I need to get my pants professionally cleaned because I visited a house that just reeked of cat urine. Went out to dinner afterwards and I think people ran the other way when they smelled me coming.
And I love the good old boys who just roamed the lobby. They're a completely different breed. Even New York Southern transplants are such a chiller bunch with less (i.e. no) gel on their hair. And the girls down there... I love their little pastel, matching suits and summer sandels and perfect hair. It's not me - it's the girl I would be if my mother got her wish. But I know I'm home when I see them and it makes me smile.
Anyway. had to share.

Yikes!

Of COURSE this happens when I go to Louisville for a few days - what? Nick and Jessica break up?
Seriously, Dodge or LW - have been here since yesterday...what should I hit before I leave tomorrow night? Got to come for work - yay! I love trips to Kentucky. Except I think I might smell like court and cat urine now (too much info) - I just spent the afternoon in one of the most interesting homes I've been to in awhile.
So yeah gang, my head won't be back in the gossips til Friday, I think.

I just think this is a funny face. The paparazzi are terrible and Drew Barrymore deserves to be annoyed at them. But it's still a funny face. Doesn't she look like the cutest little pouting 7-year-old ever? It's total Gert from "E.T."

Hiding from those annoying paparazzi (who yes, I know I feed off of)...

Mrs. Kenny Chesney makes her first public appearance since the wedding at the premiere of "Cinderella Man." Can't tell if there's a bun in the oven or not, by the looks of the dress...(I just wanted to say 'bun in the oven).

7-months-pregnant Heiki Klum poses with the "Heidi Klum Rose" in Cologne. Heidi has been known to bring rock stars, hair stylists, and even presidents to their knees. To her credit, however, she is not the home-wrecking vixen that could be Naomi Campbell.

I love that Madonna is wearing leggings with tap shoes with a beret with the 'traditional black dress' to the London premiere of "Sin City." Does it match? Not quite, but we love her, right? I told my friend the other day that the last time I was completely happy/orgasmic from head to toe was singing and dancing to "Like a Prayer" at her concert at MSG last summer.
In a heartbeat, even if she is turning into a soccer mom, I'd still rather see her photo than any of those starlets: Jessica Alba, Clive Owen, Brittney Murphy, or even plastic surgery victim, Mickey Rourke.

Earth Mother/Fortune Teller, Britney Spears hangs out in Santa Monica with Jamie Lynn. Check out the Spaderline under the tank top.

Tom, Oprah, and Katie: The Transcript

We're all glued to the TV at work right now and I can safely proclaim that we're all saying, "It's so queer." this is just insane. This is embarrassing. Tom Cruise has totally lost his mind. It's making us all a little nauseous.

No, seriously, Tom Cruise is ridiculous. He just jumped up and fell back down to one knee, said "YES!" and that he's in love with Katie. Oh dear god.
"I admired her and thought i wanted to meet her and so i called her b/c i wanted to meet her. You see someone's work (side note: umm...yeah, Dawson's Creek is a classic) and you think what a special person she is....I meet with people and I wanted to meet this woman and I met her. She's extraordinary."

And then he jumps back on his knee with the full-on "YES!" action again. "There's so much we have in common. I can't be cool. I can't be laid back and it's something that happened and i want to celebrate it. She's a very special person and you'll get to know her."
Motorcycle ride on the beach.

Oh no, he didn't. 4:15pm: Tom Cruise bounces up and down on the couch like he was a 5-year-old boy jumping on a hotel bed, away from home for the first time.

Tom: "I honestly haven't had this kind of feeling before." And he jumps on the couch again.
Oprah: "The boy is gone. Katie once said her dream was to marry you..."
Tom: "I don't want to disappoint her...." he does the international "YES!" jump again.
Tom: "...I've spoken with her parents....she's an extraordinary woman...very, very special woman...her generosity, her life force, she has a spirit...she cares about other people...she has a real joy about life....the two of us together are just -
Oprah: "a force to reckon with..."

God, barf. Someone in the audience asks when they can meet her. Tom: You will meet her.
And then he plays up to the women about how you treat women with respect.
Ok. I'm losing interest. Now they talk about generic strong women things. Which when you are a strong woman, you just don't like people blatantly sucking up to ya. I can't deal with "DEEP THOUGHTS FROM TOM CRUISE."
END PART 1
START PART 2

Tom: "I don't play games. I'm very STRAIGHT about how I feel about things...I like intimacy..when I'm into my woman, I want to know about my woman. hmm."

Oprah: Remember when you're first in love and you just want to say the person's name. That's where Tom is....Katie, just do us the favor and come out."
And the audience begins chanting for "KATIE"
Barf, again.
Tom runs backstage to get her. He pushes her onstage and starts to kiss her. She blushes like a 12-year-old and runs away from him and hugs Oprah before running back to him for a huge hug.

KATIE STILL HAS THAT LIP CRAP ALL OVER FACE! (That is some rash)

Katie: "I'm glad I was a big dreamer." Then, Tom leans in for a big smooch, not even trying to avoid the herpes action all over her upper lip.

THE END
Cityrag has a little pre-show action.

J. Ho gives us a little blast from the past and revisits her Fly Girl days while at the Zootopia show. Maybe it's just me, but I'm having flashbacks of "The Hobbit" seeing her in this costume.