Tom, Oprah, and Katie: The Transcript

We're all glued to the TV at work right now and I can safely proclaim that we're all saying, "It's so queer." this is just insane. This is embarrassing. Tom Cruise has totally lost his mind. It's making us all a little nauseous.

No, seriously, Tom Cruise is ridiculous. He just jumped up and fell back down to one knee, said "YES!" and that he's in love with Katie. Oh dear god.
"I admired her and thought i wanted to meet her and so i called her b/c i wanted to meet her. You see someone's work (side note: umm...yeah, Dawson's Creek is a classic) and you think what a special person she is....I meet with people and I wanted to meet this woman and I met her. She's extraordinary."

And then he jumps back on his knee with the full-on "YES!" action again. "There's so much we have in common. I can't be cool. I can't be laid back and it's something that happened and i want to celebrate it. She's a very special person and you'll get to know her."
Motorcycle ride on the beach.

Oh no, he didn't. 4:15pm: Tom Cruise bounces up and down on the couch like he was a 5-year-old boy jumping on a hotel bed, away from home for the first time.

Tom: "I honestly haven't had this kind of feeling before." And he jumps on the couch again.
Oprah: "The boy is gone. Katie once said her dream was to marry you..."
Tom: "I don't want to disappoint her...." he does the international "YES!" jump again.
Tom: "...I've spoken with her parents....she's an extraordinary woman...very, very special woman...her generosity, her life force, she has a spirit...she cares about other people...she has a real joy about life....the two of us together are just -
Oprah: "a force to reckon with..."

God, barf. Someone in the audience asks when they can meet her. Tom: You will meet her.
And then he plays up to the women about how you treat women with respect.
Ok. I'm losing interest. Now they talk about generic strong women things. Which when you are a strong woman, you just don't like people blatantly sucking up to ya. I can't deal with "DEEP THOUGHTS FROM TOM CRUISE."
END PART 1
START PART 2

Tom: "I don't play games. I'm very STRAIGHT about how I feel about things...I like intimacy..when I'm into my woman, I want to know about my woman. hmm."

Oprah: Remember when you're first in love and you just want to say the person's name. That's where Tom is....Katie, just do us the favor and come out."
And the audience begins chanting for "KATIE"
Barf, again.
Tom runs backstage to get her. He pushes her onstage and starts to kiss her. She blushes like a 12-year-old and runs away from him and hugs Oprah before running back to him for a huge hug.

KATIE STILL HAS THAT LIP CRAP ALL OVER FACE! (That is some rash)

Katie: "I'm glad I was a big dreamer." Then, Tom leans in for a big smooch, not even trying to avoid the herpes action all over her upper lip.

THE END
Cityrag has a little pre-show action.