Divorce Is Expensive

No one tells you that besides the legal, moving, and therapy bills, you also have to invest in a whole new wardrobe, thanks to the trage-diet. Kind of nice to be skinnier, but expensive, too.

Laura Bell Bundy Nominated for Tony

Lexington's hometown gal, LBB, was nominated for a Tony Award today. If anything is cause for Ketty to come out of retirement, it's this...Laura's the latest Kentucky talent to make it big in the entertainment community.

And now Perez will be just the latest to see what everyone from home has known is inevitable - Laura Bell is officially a star. Besides being an AMAZING talent (the girl can SING), more importantly, she's a sweet, genuine gal who deserves all this success.

Congratulations to Laura and to her entire family! We called this Tony nom at Christmas!

Cat Power

Can I just say that I officially have such a girl crush on Cat Power?

Last night's show at Hiro - how jealous was I of the crew that got to sit on-stage, right there with her? I loved the orchestra behind her at the Town Hall shows, but her all by herself this time up on the simple stage...so cool. Loved it.
Thanks to Bao, via Brooklyn Vegan, for the pix.

On a separate note...how crazy is this story? Mean Girls out there, indeed.

Yay - I'm back in my favorite red state, eating shrimp and grits, and kicking myself in the butt for just not caring about the blog for months and months and seasons and seasons.
I think I just totally OD-ed on celebrity stuff over the summer (totally agree with Uncle Grambo that A) certain sites have jumped the shark and B) certain celeb bloggers are totally over-rated). And then, I became so busy at work that on the random times that I could have updated, it depressed me because I hadn't been keeping up with it...just for myself.

On a related Grambo note, I have to say that Trent looks almost exactly like a guy I met backstage at Madonna's show at the Roxy who kept trying to talk to me, but who I kept running away from. A) I couldn't really understand him because he had a thick accent and B) I was almost as out of place as he was and was playing that lame little game where you don't want to be associated with someone because they might be the teensiest more uncool than you...thus bringing down your own cool quiotient (and god knows, I don't need any help). BUT, if Trent's got an accent, it was sooo him (assuming everyone would've heard about it by now, though).

So, I'm home now, getting fat on cheesecake, wearing my Kentucky sweats, and going to Hamburgler Pavilion with all the conservative Christians to watch the Chronic (what) cles of Narnia. Getting ready to head to Walgreen's to pick up the new Us with Nick on the cover telling his side of the story. Inquiring minds want to know - how many times did Ms. Jessica Slutson cheat on him and how much will he be able to get from her? Hope he can get at least $20 mil.

Madonnaliciousness

As if the introduction to Best Friend Niiiiick! wasn't enough, I'm gonna double your pleasure with links all around to MADONNA! This was the most fun time I've had in awhile....faithful readers of KettyKet know that I was at Misshapes, the Roxy and her apartment a few weeks ago. But why, you ask?

So that we could get the rockin footage for tonight's Primetime, of course! Madonna talks in detail about her horse accident, but more importantly, she borrows one of our cameras to give us home video of A Day in Madonna's Fabulous Life (Take that VH1's 'Fabulous Life Of' - Pounce)! I mean, we want to hear about the horse accident, but it's the unique look at what it takes to be Madge that we really want to see, right?

Seriously, we get cute footage of Rocco and Lola, behind-the-scenes "Disco" Madonna getting ready for a night out with the Roxy boys, and the women who help Madonna run her business & life.
And then...if that wasn't enough, there's an hour of the train wreck that we lovingly refer to as Anna Nicole right after that. Not to be a shameless plugger, but tonight's Primetime (starting at 9pm) is gonna be cool. (And I promise, that's the last time I talk about that for awhile-I didn't even do it with Prussian Blue).

Best Friend NiiiiiiiCK!

Well, some of you alert little readers (i.e. my boyfriend) noticed the mystery post (sigh. nice to know that family members who have known me for 24 years weren't quite so quick to the punch)...
But you should know - since I've been MIA for way too long, Best Friend Niiiiick! (aka Mrs. X) will now be making regular contributions to my sorry little site. He is funny. He is also married which explains why many of his postings might revolve around Martha "Stuart" Stewart, mowing the lawn, and the virtues of going to bed no later than 10pm.

Who died and made Martha Stuart Queen?

Did any one watch Martha Stuart's show last night? Good. Me neither. It appears that no one is watching Martha's show. So since none of us are watching I figured now would be a perfect time to give you all an update of what has not happened on Martha's show.

Episode 1- ESCAPE FROM CAMP CUPCAKE- After freshly being released from jail, Martha teaches her viewers how even the most innocuous objects may be transformed into a flesh shredding shiv. While sharpening the edge of a KFC acquired Spork, Martha flashes back to her last days inside the hideous camp cupcake.

Martha, in jail, is seen fermenting a fruity prison wine from drain cleaner and cat urine. She is approached by the warden who requests she share the profits from her "distillery." Martha, being the selfish bitch she is, refuses to allow any non-capital contributing bitches in her limited partnership. The warden, upset, reaches for her billy club, but Martha is quicker and pulls from her scarf a kitting pin which she then uses to jab the warden over ten times quickly. She wipes from her hands all the blood and then resumes the inmates in a game of bridge-rumi. She is never accused of the crime and her moonshining business continues.

By the end of the show, Martha shows the viewers what parts of the body are most vulnerable to a plastic shiv. She points to the kidnies and throat as excellent points to stun an enemy in its tracks. She then takes questions from the audience. The first question is how many times should the enemy be stabbed. With an evil but courteous grin she replies "10."

Episode 2- LIFE ON THE OUTSIDE. The show begins with Martha entertaining a live studio audience while she is inhaling lines of cocaine. She talks quickly and violently, "I dont know why my daughter is such a bitch. I dont know maybe its because she's got syphillis. Why cant she let me be free. Im free too like a bird, like a bird, like a bird." Martha falls asleep. The producers of the show try to awake her. After an awkward 10 minutes of dead time she arises with a bloody nose and an idea... Pestacio Pancakes. She quickly runs to the kitchen where she wips out Pestacio pancakes in the remaining time. The studio audience is jubilant. Martha reins supreme. And the street value of cocaine is at an all time high.

Episode 3- Martha gets fired for spending all day writing short little blurbs about her failed show. Oh wait that's me.

Laguna Update

So...compliments of the Seattle Times (and my fave Laguna/Kristin junkie, Adam - I'm gonna say again, I don't think she's that special) here's a little Laguna update....

Alex M., Jason, Lauren ("LC") and Dieter were in Seattle in support of Dieter's charity, Running Home 4 Teens (rh4t.com), which he founded last year to raise awareness for teenagers suffering from depression and substance abuse after battling depression himself over his breakup with Jessica. Meantime, Stephen and Kristin also happened to be in town on Saturday night to host a foam party, which I didn't realize actually existed outside of episodes of "Elimidate," but anyway.

Since UW played USC on Saturday, I used the opportunity to bring up the subject of Matt Leinart when I met Kristin at the Grand Hyatt that evening. They dated for a couple of months at the beginning of "Laguna's" second season.

"He saw me on the show ... and called me out of nowhere one day," Kristin said. "I had no idea who he was, so I looked up his picture on the USC Web site, but it was a really bad picture, so I was like, 'Ew! I'm not calling him back!' " (I looked up his picture, too, and she's right — he looked kind of like Bob Guiney from "The Bachelor." Not hot.)

Kristin, who lives in Los Angeles and is pursuing acting, arrived hand-in-hand with Brody Jenner, 22, who starred in the short-lived Fox reality series "Princes of Malibu." He just bought her a French bulldog puppy, which she named Bentley.

By the way, Kristin and Steph-en are so not getting back together. Dun-zo.

But I'm over it, because I'm pretty sure Lauren and Jason are the new Kristin and Stephen. Yes, they are totally dating, and he lo-o-oves her. He told me so as we were sitting outside Joeys Saturday night — he was smoking Parliament Lights and I was wearing his black fleece hoodie because it was cold and he offered. I know what you're thinking: I can't believe Pam was wearing fleece.

Here's what I was thinking: I can't believe Jason knows more than three words. I asked him why he never talks on the show. (Sample dialogue: "Wow." "What?" "Nothing.")

"It was just the situations they put me in. They [MTV] set you up and they'll be like, 'Listen, you're going to go to this place and talk about this.' It makes me really uncomfortable," he said.

That whole breakup scene with Jessica? Fake.

"I broke up with Jessica three or four weeks before that," Jason said. "I wasn't going to call her and break up with her on camera for real."

He doesn't talk to Jessica anymore and he said he doesn't care for Alex M. much either. (I love Alex M. I want her to be my new best friend.) Jason and Jessica dated for less than two months; Jason and Alex M. dated for "like a minute," she says. "It was really fast."

"Jason's like the guy who you get a little buzz on and then you kiss him," Alex M. said. "I'm telling you, everyone has kissed Jason." (Later, I asked Kristin if she was the only girl in Laguna who hadn't kissed Jason. "I've kissed him!" she laughed. "But that's it.")

Jessica, meanwhile, is going to community college in Laguna and recently started hanging out with Dieter again. "She comes up [to Los Angeles] and I've been going back to Laguna a lot," Dieter said. "I love the girl and I'll always love her. She knows that." As for a reunion between the couple, he said, "I dunno."

• Alex H. is moving in with Alex M. (and out of Kristin's place — scandalous!) in Los Angeles. Alex M. recently set her up with a guy in a band and they are now dating.

• Casey's stepdad invented the frozen burrito and she lives in the old Gucci mansion in Laguna, according to Alex M. "MTV kind of forced me to be friends with her," she said.

• Alex M. is recording an album. So is Talan.

• Jason, Stephen and Dieter live together in Los Angeles in a 16th floor high-rise. Jason and Stephen are taking acting classes; Dieter is interning at a talent agency. None of them cleans the apartment. "You walk in there and you don't even see the floor," Jason said.

• Kristin just scored a small role in an upcoming Al Pacino movie called "88 Minutes." She doesn't know what the part is, and she didn't have to audition.

• Stephen is currently single and looking. He wants someone who is mature, has a good personality, loves to have fun and "can keep up." And by the way, he never hooked up with Paris Hilton.

Ok. Um. Ew. Not to be a bitch, but Jessica's one so she's due a little karmic come-uppence. According to my "In Touch," Jess dear, gaucho pants are out, silver wrap belts could only look good on Barberella, and smooshed-in boobs don't look good on anyone, least of all a Barbie clone like you. Nick, on the other hand, I love how you keep it real...

"We Are The World" momma, Angelina Jolie takes her kiddos, Maddox and Zahara, out shopping in NYC before attending the WorldWide Orphan Foundation's benefit where she shows how awesome she looks from ooh-la-la (boobage), every angle. (although really, ya'll, do we think that's a preggers bump as some tabloids claim?) sigh...to have a baby bump that small...


And then, look who re-appears...brother & fave smoocher, James Haven, looking his usual um...okay-let's-just-say-it, freaky self. But kudos to him for accompanying her to & honoring the good cause. He's there for the orphans, you know.

Finally, ya'll, am I like the only person sick of the tabs showing off this pic of the skinn(ier) Brit? Okay, yes, great, she's getting thin again, but HELLO - she's still got the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder action going on...and God, SOMEONE hire that girl a stylist. What kind of kid wants their mom walking around looking like a cheap Vegas call girl in that leopard print shirt? For reals. Or at least give her a feather boa to accessorize.

Madonna

so wow...ya'll, the pictures speak for themselves. Last night was just pure fucking joy (except for the 5 minutes when I thought I would get myself killed at Misshapes when Madonna walked in-it was complete mass hysteria - no joke - a war zone couldn't have been more dangerously psycho). So...Misshapes was raw and the Roxy was real in the old-school way. So surreal to look out on all the disco balls, the fabulous Roxy boys, and Madonna onstage dancing like it was 1983. The first pix are Madge with Stuart at Misshapes (aka the Tinderbox), the second group are from Le Roxy. God, I love that woman...