It Breaks My Heart

Ok, I'm going to send you guys on a trip down my memory lane. Every time I see Ben Harper and Laura Dern on the red carpet or photos of them (and pictures of her kissing him in particular), they literally make me a little sick to my stomach.

Five years ago, I was in fall of my senior year at Duke. I go to see Ben Harper at this club in Raleigh called The Ritz. Now mind you, I'd been a fan of Ben Harper for at least 4-5 years prior to that (like 1996 or something). Before this engagement, I'd seen him live at least 4 times. I loved him - adored him, worshiped him, wanted him. I told all my friends that I would happily be Ben Harper's groupie and have his babies.

On the night in question, I go see Ben. At one point, he begins playing "Steal My Kisses." I liked that song, but it was a little more commercial, not my favorite, and I thought it would be a good bathroom break. I go to the bathroom, come out, and start talking to the girl selling t-shirts. I had a little buzz going, was short on cash, and figured, why not, so I tell her that it's my upteenth Ben show, that I'm a huge fan, and can I get a free t-shirt (side note: I"m a sucker for anything that gets me a free t-shirt). The girl tells me, "Honey, I can do better than that - we've got the party after this, you're totally Ben's type (he loves blondes), why don't you come to the afterparty?"

I'm "of course, are you shitting me?! I'm there." She tells me to come back in like 15 minutes, closer to the end of the show, and we'll figure it out. So - I go back to my friends - all guys- and tell them what just happened. They're all, KettyKet, what about us, can we go too? I'm all, oh shit. This is going to be an issue. Please - they have to be able to come - at the very least, they're my ride back the 45 minutes to Durham and I don't have enough cash to stay here myself and take a cab back to our little city....so, 15 minutes later, I head back to the t-shirt gal, she gives me my pass and tells me to stick around with her, that she'll give me a ride to the party with the gang. When I ask about my friends and tell her it's all guys, she's like, uh, sorry, I don't think that'd work.

So - I'm in a quandry - what to do, what to do....what do you think I did? My stupid, loyal ass decided to stick with my friends, head back to a party in Durham, and give up what could have been the start of something special with Mr. Harper. I'm nothing if not a dumb, loyal friend, huh? Literally like 6 months after that, I read that Ben was getting together with Laura Dern - who, if not my identical twin, looks, at the very least, like she could be my first cousin (well, at least in terms of the blonde hair)....

So - I literally gave up my chance to have the Ben Harper babies that I'd talked about having for years, and now, to bring the story full circle, I get a little nauseous every time I see Laura and Ben together, or hear about the babies she's giving him....it just hurts. Would something have happened between us on that special night (ha)- who knows - but there's that nagging question I'll now have for the rest of my life...what if? (sigh)

But then again, what if instead of becoming Mrs. Harper (like Laura Dern has done), it had started me on the path of a professional like Karrine Steffans? Usher, Jay-Z, Chris Rock...and a $7.3 million book and movie deal...